Today is voting day, which is exciting. It is also the first time I voted with my vagina. I figured that guys vote with their dicks all the time. They pick lots of things with their dicks, I figured might as well team up with my ladyfriend for this one.
Turns out it was a great way to vote!
The easy part of voting with your vagina, is choosing who to vote for. There were two candidates. One that is extremely friendly to vaginas. The other one is like, so not nice to vaginas that I have to wonder if he’s just waaay too into dicks to care! But, because my pussy is so upbeat all the time, I’ll keep this positive and share with you the reasons my vagina chose Obama:
1. He’s real easy on the eyes, which, as we all know, are the windows to the vagina.
2. He’s into health care and maternity health care specifically, so that when/if a human baby takes a journey through my vagina, things will be in tip top shape and she won’t be freaking out about not having gotten all prepared and whatnot.
3. He’s into me and my vagina talking things out about birth control, so if we decided we didn’t want a human baby to take the journey at that specific time in our life together, we could decide that for ourselves and not feel all weird about it.
4. Like Obama, my vagina is such a sweetheart, she really cares about future vaginas. And dicks for that matter. And she knows that maybe some of those future vaginas and dicks might have a life path that, while just as valid as others’ paths, won’t have them working in tall shiny office buildings and then going home to their mansions at night. My vagina will feel better knowing that all of those future vaginas are being looked out for, that they’re environment is a priority and that their health matters. My vagina is cool like that.
5. Obama is into me and my vagina getting the same wages for the same work that those dicks get. Which is great, because my vagina sometimes feels guilty about keeping me from things just because we got paired up instead of me getting paired up with a big ole dick. I say big ole, because I got such a stellar vagina that I can only assume I’d be well endowed if I’d gotten a dick. But we’ll never really know.
So there ya have it. I wasn’t a hard choice, bringing my vagina and me into the polling station together. She’s the best! The hardest part of voting with my vagina was the physical act of voting with my vagina. It wasn’t as easy as it probably would have been if I’d been voting with a long, narrow, pointy thing, like say, a dick, but you know what? My vagina is SO good at being a badass that we found a way, no problem.
So, thank you vagina. I’m real proud of you.