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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 42

Elizabeth and Andy weigh in on an article about how to stay married for 15 years (thanks Alyssa!) and then answer listener questions about dumb people, engagement rings, the screenwriting business, and making friends in a rural area. Enjoy!


Richard C says:

I heard a similar thing about couples without kids being happier than couples with kids. It was in a documentary series about emotion and it was on the happiness episode. I saw it on Netflix but I can’t really remember the name. The justification for this was that when you have a kid you immediately realize how much you love your child and how your love for your spouse pales in comparison. Something along those lines. That’s a little speculative, but I think the study was more factual.

Malin says:

Was this the episode with the girl wondering how she would let her boyfriend know what kind of ring she wanted? Can’t remember… Anyhow, if it was me, I would, when the opportunity presented itself, start talking about my grandma. Like if they talk about/come across something that reminds her of the grandma, I would go “Aw, my grandma really liked that author/that colour/that music (or whatever). I often find myself missing her a lot… I hope that one day when I (we?) get engaged, I’ll get to put the diamonds from her wedding band on my engagement ring…”. That way, when he starts thinking about proposing and the ring, he might remember that comment and might buy a temporary ring for the proposal, as he knows she will want to take the grandma-ring to a jewellery and put them on a good style ring of her choice… At least that is how I would think about it if I was the guy having heard that comment from my girlfriend. I think buying a “temporary proposal ring” (as one listener suggested) is a great move for any guy if he has a style-minded girlfriend. Propose with a temporary ring, then go pick it out together! I think it must be very rare to have the opportunity to get your hands on an old ‘family-ring’ the way Andy managed to do it. Personally I would prefer it if my boyfriend picked out a ring that HE really loves, that way I imagine he would feel so happy/proud every time he would see me as his fiance with that ring on that HE finds so beautiful/likes the style of so much. Even if I personally wasn’t that ecstatic about the style of the ring it would make me so happy to wear something that HE loves the look of and that HE picked out with me in mind. Just like I would love to see a wedding band I think is amazingly beautiful on the person I consider the most beutiful thing ever. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone reading this… But that’s my two cents about the matter anyway. (Sorry if the English in this comment is a bit unclear or incoherent, I’m scandinavian so it’s not my native language)

Zach Coty says:

I haven’t listened to the episode after this yet, but in addition to diet, going on or off birth control can affect the way a woman perceives the taste of nut butter. Hormonal birth control can completely throw off a woman’s ability to detect pheromones, so if she were to go off it after 10 years her guy could suddenly not “smell” right. It’s an immune system compatibility thing.

More common reasons are obviously diet and exercise and substance use.

jennifer says:

I am so late to this but.. I actually pulled exactly what Andy said so I had to laugh when he said that. I totally sent my boyfriend photos of rings I like just in case. Hah

Rebekah G says:

Another late comment, for any other late comers who may be facing the engagement ring issue. Once my now husband made it clear he was going to purpose to me one day, when the topic next came up I just told him point blank a couple of pointers for finding me a ring, that I felt were very important. i.e. don’t get something thick banded as I find them very very uncomfortable to wear, I didn’t want a diamond I wanted a gem stone, I prefer white gold, and absolutely do not get me a sapphire, as that was what my first engagement ring was (I also told him the date of my first proposal so he could avoid that too) as I did not want to be in any way reminded of my first engagement, and sadly I knew humans naturally make connections to their past. I also stressed that no matter what I would love the choice he made for me, because I’d know he’d picked it out with love. He had no problem with my suggestions and did a great job!! I think if there’s something really important to you about it, it’s always best to be straight forward.

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