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Sex Nerd Sandra!

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Totally Laime Podcast

Episode 169

She’s smart, she’s sexy and she’s in your earholes! SEX NERD SANDRA from the Nerdest podcast of the same name came over and discussed the difference between geek and nerd, the elusive female orgasm, and how to disarm the “ghosts” in Japanese haunted houses. Enjoy!


Chet says:

This ultimately wound up being a good episode, but I’m glad that the podcast took a turn away from just talking to Sandra about her career/area of expertise about half-way through the running time. While the first half of the episode was interesting and entertaining, it also had much more of an “ask the expert” kind of vibe going than the show’s usual “let’s just hang out and see what organically comes up” sort of vibe, which I think is ultimately the show’s core backbone.

DT says:

As one of the people who called you out, mad props for bringing on Sex Nerd Sandra and bringing up your comment. How many people are willing to set themselves up to be criticized like that? I think SNS was very kind with you, but did help extrapolate some of what she thought was going on, which was insightful and useful.

shawn says:

I’ve only recently began to listen to Totally Laime after finding it through the Earwolf website, and I have enjoyed it up until your comments made about the current quality of men out there dating. I’m most likely the type of guy you would lump into your wholesale “pussy” category, and naturally I want to defend the traits you consider unmanly. Sex Nerd Sandra was correct in noting that men were made to feel shamed to a certain degree about being manly in that if you asserted yourself too much, you were thought of as an asshole. Our generation was taught to be egalitarian, and adhering to the old gender roles is extremely difficult while trying to be progressive as well. Yes I’m sensitive, yes I try to be balanced when it comes to decision making, and I wasnt aware that those were bad traits. The reward for responding to society’s cue to progress is apparantly this insulting point of view that a large number of intelligent women have these days. Somehow were supposed to be in control of relationships to degree in which women feel comfortable, and its often remarkably hard to note where that lies with most women. Plus, the whole thing is just wrong-minded. If a man said the reverse for women, something like women were getting too independent, and that they should know where woman’s role is, the instant thought is that he is a chauvinist. How is it acceptable for you to not only say this on the Howard Kremer episode, but to also attempt to defend this mindset? I’m also pretty sure I heard you bust a “douche-fag” in there at some point. To be frank, your viewpoint on this is really disappointing, especially since this seems to be a common expectation nowadays. I hope you didnt put off a large contingency of your male podcast listeners with this subject. I have to imagine that there quite a community of single guys out there that already have it tough enough without hearing this on a comedy podcast and being left to wonder if they would be categorized as such.

Elizabeth says:

@shawn, I NEVER EVER EVER said “Douche – ###” I don’t use that word. It makes me angry.

In response to the other thing, listen… I’m just making an observation that I’ve noticed with my friends. I have a comedy podcast where I’ve talked for over 200 hours, sometimes I might say something that makes people feel bad or uncomfortable. I can’t police everything I say and feel, I’m just being honest.

shawn says:

17.26.. sounded verrry close.. And I apologize for the implication if thats incorrect, and aside from that, it sounds like an excuse to make your insulting comment and not owe up on how sexist that point of view is. Again, I say that a man would never get away with stating the opposite about women. I understand that you believe your being honest, and its definately your right to have that thought, but you wouldnt have brought it back up in the podcast if your statement wasnt hastily made at the very least. If you have comments about the current quality of a certain type of person, you can state them without instantl;y making it derogatory by calling them “pussies”. Your defense that people have turned that word into something bad is irrelevant, because thats not the context your using the word in.

warg says:

@shawn In the future it might be good to note that the word “bag” starts with a B sound and the other word starts with an F sound. This helpful hint should save you from all sorts of wacky confusion! You’re welcome! Also it’s really weird that you try to frame your indignation with an imagined group of single male listeners that are as equally offended by Elizabeth’s comment. Please just represent yourself.

DT says:

1. Elizabeth, you weren’t just offering an observation of your friends’ experiences. You were using that as evidence to generalize about the waning manliness of men in general. When talking to Sandra you subtly implied that those of us upset by the comment took it out of context. Frankly, it was the context that made the comment so upsetting. That said…

2. Given how many hours of riffing there by Andy and Elizabeth I’m surprised they don’t/haven’t said more upsetting stuff. If I had to release over an hour of audio each week with me just conversing, trying to keep things funny and interesting, I would definitely end up saying some gross stuff. I also can’t guarantee that I’d be as willing to acknowledge it with a subsequent guest for the entire purpose of possibly being chastised.

Jacquie F says:

Thanks so much for having Sandra on! I love both of your podcasts, I’ve learned so much about sex and about my own body from Sandra’s podcast that it is almost embarrassing. I couldn’t believe it when I looked at the latest podcast and she was on.

I didn’t really share the apparent outrage at your comment but as the first poster said props to you for bringing someone on who might criticize your viewpoint. That comment you made didn’t bother me but there have been a couple of times where you made comments and I thought to myself that you should have Sandra on to ask about those things.

Anyways, just wanted to say thanks for the podcast and it was awesome to see Sandra on. Now if Elizabeth, Janet Varney, and Sandra could just do one giant podcast it would cut my listening my time down each week.

slowestloris says:

I thought it was cool that you brought it up again in the podcast, but it made me a little sad that you ended up sticking with the “pussy” comment and sentiment after all (at least that’s how I understood it, please correct me if I’m wrong). It’s a stupid, sexist word to use for someone being cowardly, period.

And then the discussion about men not being “manly” enough these days… well as you said, there’s a lot of confusion these days about gender relationships, and who is supposed to act in what way, and that’s a good thing; as you also said, it reflects that there’s progress going on. Totally agree with you on that. But then to fall back on these tired ass points about men holding doors open for women – it honestly seems like this is something that’s brought up every time the discussion revolves around gender roles. Can we please leave it behind already! Everybody should be holding open the door for someone who is walking close behind them, man or woman – it’s common decency.

Sat says:

Elisabeth. I have your personality always end up with indecisive men. I make all the choices in the relationship, where/what to eat, when to have sex, when to go on vacation etc. I’ve come to realize that it’s not that men are all like this, but that I can’t stand being told what to do, so I quickly turn down men that are assertive. If your husband was more assertive he probably wouldn’t take no for an answer every time he asked you for a blow job. He wouldn’t rape you, but he’d find a manipulative way to get you to do it. He also wouldnt take a back seat when it comes to your podcast. Be careful what you wish for.

Thanks for the warm words in the comments and thank you Elizabeth for having me on!

Sat: Let’s not make assertive folks into jerks. An assertive person doesn’t need to get manipulative to get what they want. They may be more communicative about what they want and why and find a way where everyone is happy with the outcome. I don’t like your portrayal of an assertive man as playing into some douchbag stereotype.

Everyone should learn to be assertive about what they want and need. It’s a great skill to have, though uncomfortable for some.

jesu says:

I used to (in the 70s) look at a man with tattoos and think “he’s been around, he’s experienced life”, now when I see a guy with tattoos I can’t imagine anything remotely interesting coming out of his mouth. I see tattoos today like a form of makeup, a vanity thing, and a bit shallow.

Ryan says:

I think many guys continue really indulging their inner-Holden-Caufield well after their adolescent years. Here in Austin, I especially see it in how people look at music as a way of identifying the self rather than a way of seeing the world through another lens. And you can see a lot of insecurity in how people try to stay ahead of “cool” trying to be a part of trends before they’re too mainstream. So yeah, I totally see what Elizabeth meant…

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