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Ya Can’t Assume!

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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 125

Elizabeth and Andy discuss the lessons she learned about making assumptions and how the recent dog conundrum played out. Then, they answer listener questions about a guy who wants to give good advice to his friend after a breakup, what a good Christmas gift might be for the guy who has everything, what to do when your husband promised to move in the future but won’t budge now that the time has arrived, and lastly a very interesting question about how to navigate your husband’s anxiety disorder when it directly impacts your ability to pursue your dreams. Enjoy!


Amy says:

Don’t worry about the little doghouse shaped lie. Even if they do find out, they’ll probably just think that you’re very caring. Your actions were very sweet and kind whether you lied a little or not. You can still be friends with them! My worst dog care assumption? Saw a tiny little terrier that I’d never seen before standing alone in a driveway in my neighborhood with a leash trailing behind him. Thinking he was lost, I picked him up and started driving him around the neighborhood, knocking on doors and calling neighbors to ask if they knew who he belonged to. His tag said he’s from another state, no one recognized him, no one is answering the phone number from his tag. Long story short the owner finally calls me back and it turns out her boyfriend lives in my neighborhood and was watching him over the weekend for her. He had put the dog in the front yard to use the bathroom and gone to the backyard for something and while he was in the backyard I stole the dog from his own driveway and drove off with him. It was so embarrassing.

Anna says:

So much respect for Elizabeth for making an effort and caring! Sure your assumptions were completely wrong hahaha but you made a difference damnit. The worst thing people can do is witness neglect and just ignore it and pretend it isn’t happening. Good for you for standing up for the voiceless! I’m sure you have inspired others to take similar action if the opportunity presents itself.

Dan says:

MOVE! I live in upstate NY, two kids, wonderful place to live, someone’s dream come true, but NOT MINE. I never intended on staying here and now it’s very difficult to move. It has taken me almost a year to get my wife and kids, who are in love with their school/neighborhood etc. to even talk about moving and we are totally invested in our house/community. We are both self-employed and can live just about anywhere. You just have to start the process. Find a job where you want to live and tell your husband your taking it and moving there and he can follow in a few months. That way you can try it out and it will motivate him to get on board. You can always move back.

Masha says:

I’m glad the situation with the doghouse worked out. If you end up being friendly with the neighbors (which would be a great situation for your kids to grow up in), maybe wait 6 months or a year and then once you’re really comfortable with them, admit the white lie that started off your friendship. If you never tell them and they do find out, they might be upset but if you are honest, I bet it’ll blow over really quickly. Especially if you say that you’re really glad the situation happened because otherwise you would have never become friends! And as soon as they find out you have a podcast, they’ll probably listen to at least and episode or two, so the likeliness of them finding out on their own is pretty high.

John says:

Regarding the “standup performance anxiety”

It’s very possible that the writer-inner’s husband’s anxiety has nothing to do with his wife specifically. I have a similar issue, but not as extreme as his. I get extremely uncomfortable watching just about anybody do a live performance. Especially in an intimate venue. I’ve described it to my wife in the past as if I could “feel the performers embarrassment as if it were my own.”

If his anxiety is at all like the kind of issue that I have, but amplified, I could see how this would be a big problem for him. Especially if it’s “empathetic embarrassment”. It could be worse when he watches her because he cares so much for her.

Either way, he needs to man up and own it in a way that doesn’t interfere with his wife’s dream.

Of course everything I’ve said should be taken with a salt lick…

Prisclla says:

Elizabeth, you laugh makes me smile every time! Keep laughing.

Learn to look on Craig’s List first, there are always dog house’s there and certainly it would make your white lies less easily outed.

You are a good hearted person. hope the rest of your pregnancy goes along swimmingly.

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