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Heavy Breathing!

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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 132

Elizabeth and Andy discuss why she embarrassed him in their class as well as Andy’s recent foray into the world of virtual assistants before they answer listener questions about what’s “Totally” about Los Angeles, how to be there for a friend who clearly has major reservations about her relationship, what to do about those old “circus friends” of yours when your life has taken a different path, and lastly, do men only love bitches? What’s up with that? Enjoy!

16 Comments!

Jacquie F. says:

I’m excited to hear there is a coming video for Desire. I checked out Meg Myers after you guys talked about her and really like her music. I especially like Desire, I was blown away by how good it was. Speaking of which, when does the album with Desire on it come out?

Also you touched on relationships online a little bit and that is something that is definitely going to get more and more common. My boyfriend and I actually met through World of Warcraft and if you count the time spent in game before getting together in real life (which most people don’t :P) we’ve been together almost 9 years. We’re both computer programmers and had the kind of stereotypical social awkwardness associated with those kind of people so without the internet I’m not sure we ever would have found one another.

Love the podcasts as always!

Leen says:

Question for Andy, and other listeners, why do people hate the girl who eagerly partakes in question and answer periods? I’m a lot like Elizabeth and if I know the answer I’ll answer it. I’ll give that generous pause to give other people the chance answer but if no one raises their hand in class or speaks out and I want to respond then I will.
I feel like people think this is what brown nosing is. What’s wrong with brown nosing anyways? If someone is eager to participate why is that seen as an annoying and negative trait. I’m aware and very self conscious about the fact that people look down on it, but WHY do they look down on it? What is wrong with it? I hate feeling alienated because I’m excited and/or eager.

Ashlee says:

I completely agree! Having to feel guilty about making the most of your education by participating isn’t cool.

slowestloris says:

I think it depends on how you do it and what you say.

There’s a couple guys in some of my lectures at university who will always raise their hand when the professor asks if there are any questions, and they always come out with the weirdest, impossible to understand comments. So sometimes I feel like people just do it because they have an inflated sense of self-importance that they feel they need to inflict on everyone else.

If the comments/questions are thoughtful and interesting and start a dialog or discussion, I don’t see a problem either. In fact it’s pretty childish to look down on someone for it, it seems like a left over from high school (or even earlier) where showing an interest in anything academic is seen as lame and nerdy.

Bill says:

Hey! As a former Angeleno who misses L.A. terribly, I’m envious of the couple considering moving there. However, I thought both of you had fantastic suggestions of what to do in LA, and I particularly appreciated the sentiment that LA is so many things.

Shamelessly, I thought I’d share this old blog post I did that is (mostly) still relevant. I see now the pictures on the post have to be updated, but the words are still there. Some of my friends shared their ideas at the time in the comments. A couple of the establishments are gone, but most are still there.

Have fun!

Ellen says:

Great episode and congrats on Totally Mommy! I have no kids, but I will be listening. I used to be the person like the friend of your caller-inner who always second guesses her feelings. For some reason, I always felt like I needed a really good reason to break up with bad boyfriends. I would be unhappy, but waiting for them to cheat on me or say something horrible or break up with me. I’m sure I drove my friends crazy. I won’t go into my theories for why I did that–lots of stuff to do with my family and my self esteem. What helped me were a few things people said to me over the years. One that was really eye-opening was when my mom, who had been married for a very long time, told me that relationships should be 90% good. I was always thinking that relationships are hard work, and that I was just being hard to please. Another was when someone told me, you sound like you are waiting for someone to get you out of this, but really, you have to get yourself out of it if you’re not happy. No one is going to save you. You have to save yourself. It was sort of a wake up call to get myself out of a bad relationship.

That combo of telling me to raise my expectations but also to take control of my life helped. I’m now very happily married. When I decided to get married, there were no doubts. It was clear that I would be happy with this person. 7 years later, that’s still true. Of course it takes work sometimes, but when I think about the marriage, I don’t feel like it’s taking a lot of work. I feel like I get to laugh and have interesting conversations and do fun things with my best friend.

Ashlee says:

Oh Elizabeth, I’m that girl too. People in my grad school program actually called me out on it! I wouldn’t answer so many questions if other people made any sort of attempt to participate. Are we supposed to just sit there in silence??

erika says:

Hey! I’m the girlfriend of the guy who wrote in about moving to LA. Thanks for all the suggestions. I haven’t been since my early 20s (now 28), and while I LOVED vacationing there, I didn’t get a great impression of the people. The bf keeps saying I probably wasn’t hanging out at the right spots and that there are plenty of cool people. Hopefully this trip will change my mind. The fact that you guys are there gives me hope that there are others!

Masha says:

In your boyfriend’s question, he mentioned that you two know that you’ll like the weather in LA, and I think that’s actually enough reason to move. I think you can find nice people living anywhere, so you’ll probably make friends wherever you move, but the weather varies so much around the country. I live in San Diego and I am amazed that people live in places that have extreme weather. It makes a huge difference to my productivity, happiness, and safety that I live in a city that is untouched by snow and gets very little rain. When it’s what I would consider ‘incredibly cold’ here in Southern California, it’s 40 degrees Fahrenheit! Just my two cents :)

Bethany says:

Why does Elizabeth find it funny to joke about giving Andy blowjobs? It wouldn’t be funny in the reverse (if Andy joked about going down on her but then saying haha just kidding I don’t do that). If all is going to be fair and equal then why does she think that is funny. Blowjobs are a legitimate sexual action and I don’t think it should be made a joke on Andy. You will both be experiencing new lack of sexy times during the pregnancy and post-pregnancy so why joke about it when he and we know how much Elizabeth hates giving them.

Lori F. says:

Because its her podcast and she can. Andy could too, he just chooses not too. Why the hatin’?

Jill says:

Just wanted to say I’m a new listener and I’m hooked! You guys are so real and its refreshing! You remind me of my husband and myself. Congrats on the new baby, being a mother is what makes me happy in this world.

Debi says:

My husband was the one with all of the answers in our maternity classes, and it drove me crazy! Looking back I don’t know why it bothered me, but it did. We were in a room with 20 or so couples, and he was always the one with his hand in the air.

I love this podcast because you guys remind me so much of my husband and I. We are the opposite of you two though; my husband is a lot like Elizabeth and I am more like Andy. It is interesting to listen to you discuss the questions, it really gives me more insight into my marriage. Thanks for that.

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