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Stigma Surfing!

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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 310

Elizabeth and Andy discuss stigmas in their many forms – weed! sex workers! self care! Then the stigmata continues as they discuss navigating conversation thresholds in an open marriage, and how to heal from an unspoken hurt after a botched proposal when the conversation is so loaded? Enjoy!


Alia says:

I’m here in the middle of chaos (Harvey) and I cannot express how calming it is to have some routines still going, most of all my Monday Totally Married listening sesh! Thank you for being You! Really love you guys and have been listening to all your podcasts for 4 years.

Elizabeth says:

Stay safe, Alia!! I can’t believe what is happening over there. Sending you love. xoxo

Jessi says:

2 things:
Fist, I absolutely agree that it is INSANE that alcohol is legal and natural drugs like weed are not legal many places. I do like to drink, but alcohol is basically a straight up poison and it’s insane that we are allowed to abuse it so badly while having other substances withheld.
And two, if you ever see someone and you suspect human trafficking you can call in anynomousky to the National Human Trafficking Hotline(1-888-373-7888) to report any suspicious behavior. I work with teens, many who have been trafficked, and it is outrageous how prevalent it is everywhere in our country! If you do suspect human trafficking though, NEVER step in yourself. It is too dangerous. Traffickers kill people to keep their business intact. Anyone could be trafficked, children and adults, men and women….the worst thing that can happen if you call the hotline is that you could be wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️. Not sure if you want to pass on to your LaimeWeds, but I work passionately for sex trafficking victims and wanted to pass along the info. Thanks for everything you do!

Elizabeth says:

Oh, amazing information – thank you Jessi! So glad this exists. I will share, for sure.

Jill says:

RE: the disappointing ring/proposal situation. If they can’t communicate well enough to get past this discussion, I would be worried about how they’ll communicate during a lifelong marriage. There seems to be a lot of resentment for the whole situation, and they don’t seem to be working TOGETHER to solve the problem. That’s what marriage is all about.

Just my two cents. Good luck! Hope it all works out well.

Hope says:

I have a similar experience to the woman disappointed in her proposal. I was super embarrassed by our proposal story because my husband attempted to propose to me, and I didn’t know and was mad at him about something and refused to come out of the bedroom. For a while I hated telling that story, I hated that it made me sound spoiled or something, but as we told it more and more people seemed to think it was funny. My husband told it in a way that said, “That’s my stubborn wife, and that’s why I love her!” Now it’s been over 10 years and I feel so far removed from that 24 year old spoiled girl that it doesn’t bother me.

I liked Andy’s advice for the man to re-do the proposal if that’s important to her, but if that’s not possible you have to change the way you tell the story. Is your fiancé typically a shy, nervous type? “Oh, you know so-and-so he’s so shy, you can imagine how nervous he was to propose!” Or is he usually very confidant? “He’s usually so sure of himself! I couldn’t believe he was so nervous! It was sweet!”

if you can’t get past it, I think there are bigger issues than the proposal, like two people who don’t value the same things or compromise on the things important to each other.

Eddie says:

Surprising that Andy who was such an outdoors guy growing up would not know the difference between a mosquito and a fly. Actually surprising in any case.

A for your fly problem in addition to closing your doors check your screens for holes (you do have screens on your windows?). Flies inside are not a problem in SoCal otherwise.

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