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A Fly Epiphany!

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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 311

Are humans inherently good? Are flies really not just mosquitos? Are tomatoes supposed to stay planted year round? These questions and more are posed by Elizabeth and andy and… not answered. They do, however give their unqualified advice to listener questions about a fun entry level DJ gift for your spouse, how to navigate a partner leaving you high and dry in order to serve those in need, and what to do about long term friendships that are not supportive of your marriage? Enjoy!


Hi Elizabeth & Andy,

So love your podcasts (all of them!) Hi from all the way down in Auckland New Zealand.

Once you go homegrown tomatoes you can’t go back, my dad has a giant garden & is a bit of a tomato master, here are some hints.

You can simply put in a bamboo pole (or any old piece of tall wood that’s about a metre or more tall) & tie the tomato plant to the pole – handy hint is to use an old pair of stockings (nylons?) cut them across the leg into strips & use that to tie your tomato plant to the pole, guide the plant & keep tying as it grows. (maybe not the most pretty looking, but works really well!)

To stop birds eating your tomatoes you can buy nylon mesh & make a tent over them.

To stop blight on the leaves, use milk powder sprinkled over the leaves – totally organic.

The plant will eventually get less tomatoes & start to die off, as the plants mature & leaves get brown, you can trim the leaves off a bit, keep the fresher greener leaves on. You will need to pull the plant out at the end of summer & can compost the plant. If you want new plants, keep a couple of tomatoes & get the seeds out & dry the seeds – or just leave some old tomatoes to rot into the soil, chances are you’ll get some naturally occurring seedlings the next year! Or just buy seedlings next spring.

Enjoy that fresh produce, it’s the best!

Also flies – we have this thing called a robocan – it sprays pyrethrum automatically & kills flies – I think its supposed to be pretty natural, it hasn’t bothered my husband who’s asthmatic & if you are anything like me & hate fly- swats it’s great, you just pick up the dead flies with a tissue & bin them!
Or your cat might eat a few of the flies…ours supplements his diet with them as a tasty treat.


Clare Kelly says:

I’m dying listening to Andy’s Fly v. Mosquito thoughts! Just for the record Andy, it’s a big deal. Elizabeth is totally right, it boggles the mind how you live in the world and didn’t know what a mosquito was! Thanks for the post-holiday weekend laughs!!

AMC says:

for the writer-inner married with unsupportive friends – on the surface level I know it does sound bad when seemingly all of your friends disapprove of your relationship, but honestly….sometimes people just HATE change and this can be amplified in a group setting because the dynamic has such an intertwined ripple effect. if these are the kinds of people who keep the same friends and operate in the same group from high school on, they definitely like their routines, haha. And it can be hard to grow in a group dynamic that took root in childhood, and they honestly might just be reacting immaturely to this group change in the same way they might’ve in high school. it’s the same kind of weird mental effect of when you enter your childhood home – you immediately feel like you’re in a more kid-like state and those habits can come back to you quicker even though you’re an adult. these people are just living it 24/7, which is tough.

especially if they’re complaining about your logistical choices like buying a home somewhere else, it sounds like they’re resentful of having to change their expectations of where everyone is and what everyone’s dynamic is with each other.

my advice would be to start branching out to friends outside the circle, and to also start fostering better 1:1 relationships with people in your close circle. If it’s less of a hive mind/us vs. them thing with your S.O., and you can evaluate friendships individually with more clarity, it’ll be easier to see who’s just got a bad attitude/friendship skills, and who can be salvaged from a possibly toxic group dynamic.

Alia says:

Thank you for speaking up for DACA!
Just when it felt like our administration could not get any more inhumane, it did.
Laimeweds, we need to flood our representatives’ offices with calls and faxes, join a March, and do everything in our power to put the pressure on our sad excuse for a leadership to rethink this decision.

Squashblossom says:

In warmer areas, we have a second growing season. So you can start tomato seedlings in March-ish, and another round in August. I planted some seedlings about a month ago, so hopefully we’ll get some more tomatoes soon! (This is in Arizona, but I feel like Los Angeles is similar in not really having an autumn. 🙄 It’s a blessing and a curse…)

Eddie says:

Why are you spitballing podcast ideas when you killed the goose that laid the golden egg? You had one of the best, funniest podcasts. I could not believe when you ended Totally Laime. It was original, brave, and always entertaining. It wasn’t about anything yet it was about everything.

Not to mention Totally Beverages was a winner, funny and informative. If Andy isn’t going to continue it he should syndicate it to his intern.

Why did I know Andy loved new socks?

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