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Meet Them Where They’re At!

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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 315

Today we discuss the art of meeting people where they are and why that’s so effing difficult! Also, more discussion about lice! (Oy vay!) Then we answer one very thought-provoking listener question about how to address major depression in an older parent who would be resistant to the idea of therapy? Enjoy!

9 Comments!

Kali Sbalbi says:

Hey, Andy and Elizabeth!

I’m SO excited about the new live episodes. How fun!

Unfortunately, the broadcasting time is going to make it impossible for me (plus many others, I assume) to join in. I live on the east coast, and listening in at 1:00 A.M. EST on weeknights is just not doable.

I would really love to participate in the live conversation of each episode. Is there any way to coordinate an earlier recording time (even for select episodes) so those of us on the east coast can participate? I know it’s impossible to please everyone, so there may not be a good solution here, but I’m so bummed to be left out of this fun new idea.

Keep it up, you two. I’ve been a big fan for many years.

All the best!
-Kali

PS – if you decide not to record any earlier, will the episodes be recorded to view later? I sure hope so!

Rachel says:

Yes, I would love to listen, but the time is a no go for me since I live on the east coast. And, honestly, even if I lived on the west coast that’s pretty late for me, haha 🙂 I hope you save your lives so I can watch/listen later though!

Libby says:

Yeah… I don’t see the level of participation happening that you’re expecting if the live shows start at 11:45 pm CST. The thing that makes it such a fun idea is the participation aspect but I don’t see that really happening with this time slot.
Bummer. Sounds fun but I can’t join in.

Becca says:

I love the Facebook Live idea! I agree with everyone that earlier would be better, but I can’t imagine figuring out the best time to do this with little ones running around.

I emailed you but got your auto-response so I’ll put it here – if you are up for it, I think it would be really fun if you and Andy found a certified MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Instrument) facilitator (we are everywhere, I promise – check the local universities, that’s where I use my certification, with student leaders) and had a session live on Facebook! You’d get the real results and interpretation, not the social media version. Just an idea I had while I was listening today. 🙂

emily says:

As entertaining as Andy’s Lysol interjection was, it’s unfortunately not true. Lysol was never advertised to treat lice, it was always made as a cleaning agent. As for the name, Lysol comes from the shortening ‘lyse-all’, it will lyse (break open) all (cells/bacterial/etc) that it comes into contact with.

Kate says:

For the writer-inner whose father is caretaking for his wife – my brother had a very similar stroke and I left my life and work completely for a year to be his full time caretaker. I relate very much to what you are describing. The reality is that it is a horrifying situation on many levels with a lot to unpack. On the one hand, I do agree that therapy is a good idea so that he can do some of that unpacking and also to help him understand how to allow his life to evolve, if that makes sense. On the other hand, people in this situation need validation that things are as bad as they seem, and sometimes ‘you should see a therapist’ feels like ‘stop being such a downer’ or ‘isn’t this over yet?’ Or, ‘things would be fine if you would just…’
You obviously love your dad very much, and to some extent joining him in his grief and exhaustion is one of the kindest things you can do for him. And gently, remind him that his life matters to – not just to you, but to your step mom as well. Try to be patient, and if you can, visit.
If I recall correctly, you are also a new mom – also a big caretaking role and shift in your life! I hope you are modeling healthy self care for him 🙂
My name is Kate Shalvoy on Facebook – feel free to friend me if you want to talk. These are very tough waters to navigate.

To Elizabeth and Andy – from 2011 to 2015 I went to live in India for for 2 years and Israel for 2 years after that. 2016 was spent doing what I’ve described above. These years were meaningful and transformative in ways that I continue to understand more every day, but also frequently lonely and disorienting. This podcast has been an anchor for me through some crazy times, reminding me what a healthy relationship should sound like, helping me process events of the day, and being reminded that lots of other people have thorny problems too. I just love you guys! Good luck with the new thing! I live in Maine now so the time is an issue for me too, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

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