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Dudes Becoming Allies!

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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 318

Elizabeth and Andy follow up to her assault story from last week with a bananas update! Then they discuss the question on everyone’s mind: how many garbage bins worth of refuse fit into a garbage truck? Then they give their unqualified advice to listener questions about getting closure from a friend who ghosted you in a time of need, and how to cope with mother-in-law directed rage? Enjoy!


April says:

Just here to comment on one thing – the trash discussion. My son is very obsessed with track trucks. You tube “trash trucks” and watch the video that starts with a hard rock song – trust me. You’ll be amazed at how many different kind of trucks and methods of picking up the bins there are! Yes, some guys do still have to jump in and out at every stop Andy! It’s a very good question by the way and my guess it more like 500-1000 bins max.

Derek says:

I listened to your trash can conversation on my way to work this morning and I was of course interested because its random trivia. According to a friend of mine who is a manager at our local garbage company, he said 600 residential cans fit into one garbage truck. So there ya go, straight from the expert!

Chuck says:

Elizabeth! You gotta start using Command Tab or something! Hearing that you drag windows around made me want to throw my phone out the window! I cannot imagine! On windows its alt+tab for quick window cycling and its AMAZING!

Additionally, I am relating a lot to the writer-inner!
I have very close to the same issue with my in law where any time my son is upset they’ll just take him from me. I’ve got extremely frustrated because it happened so much that when he does get upset he turns to her instead of me. So its been a struggle to get him to feel more comfortable coming to me in his times of need, but its slowly coming along thankfully.

I think we as new parents need to not be afraid to just set the tone and enforce our rules of engagement with our kids.

Hope says:

I was the one writing in for friend advice. You guys asked some questions that I left out of the email for fear of writing a novel.
1. I texted her the day before I left the hospital to wish her a happy birthday and never got a response. Then for the 2-3 weeks after I got out of the hospital I was basically an invalid and very depressed and my parents had to take care of me and my kids, so reaching out to her was not really on my mind. Then so much time passed and I thought, “Huh, that’s really weird…” and figured any day I’d hear from her.
2. We have one close mutual friend who saw her about a month ago and asked if she’d seen/talked to me, her response was to shrug it off and say, “I’m embarrassed. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing, and now too much time has passed.” Like that was a valid excuse.
3. Our husbands work in the same (relatively small) industry, so not necessarily mutual friends, but we’d hear if they were getting divorced or if one of her kids were gravely ill or something.

I had a lot of therapy after my son’s birth and my therapist told me to present my hurt feelings as MY feelings and not to place blame. So I texted her and simply told her my feelings were hurt. I struggled with whether to text her at all, but figured if I had hurt someone’s feelings so deeply I’d want to know.

And I got no response.

So that’s the end of the saga and the end of the friendship. But thank you for the addressing my question. Honestly just to hear you guys call her a trash bag made me feel validated in some way. ❤️

Rebekah says:

Ok writing a reply for the lady who was asked to spear head breastfeeding accommodations at her job on returning from maternity leave…. isn’t that job security??? And you REALLY want a man doing that???? Good for her! You want something done right, do it yourself, yes? Idk how you could take that as her having too much on her plate?

Elizabeth says:

Wow. I disagree wholeheartedly. It’s not too hard to figure out how to create a safe clean space for breastfeeding mothers (aka “do it right”) and it absolutely should not be on her plate – do you have children? I can’t imagine you do by saying “Idk how you could take that as her having too much on her plate?” Throwing something that is simply basic required employee support on women as though “it’s your fault, you figure it out” is yet another way we are disempowered in the workforce.

Pisha says:

You are very strong to talk about the assault that happened to you. I first heard you talk about it on the JV Club and it really affected me. I had experienced abuse as a child from a friend’s father and like you, I felt guilty about it and like it was somehow my fault. When I was older I felt so guilty that I had never come forward about it because I knew he was abusing his daughter and did nothing. I wish I had been strong enough to let someone know what was happening, by the time I was old enough and brave enough he was already dead but I could have helped spare others his abuse. Thanks for being brave to do something and don’t let someone make you feel otherwise, it is very hard to do.

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