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Totally Married Podcast

Episode 324

Elizabeth and Andy share their podcast future plans which involve this very podcast! (Not to worry, they aren’t going anywhere) Then they give their unqualified advice to listener questions about dealing with a neighbor who is spreading ignorant rumors, how to judge a political representative based on their NRA rating, whether to buck a wedding tradition for your own principles or just go along with it to appease others, how to deal with a friend who is not self aware and tends to bad-mouth other friends, whether to bounce or not from a job that is draining (sorry for not fully answering this one! We got distracted!) and lastly, what to do about a boss who is making you uncomfortable and bordering on sexual harassment? Enjoy!


Resastra says:

I don’t think having your father walk you down the aisle is the hill to die on. It’s your wedding and you’re paying for it so you can do whatever you want. It may come with hurt feelings and questions from the audience but you can’t control other people and their emotions. Personally my father walked me down the aisle because I didn’t really care and if it meant anything to him I glad I gave it to him. I also did not take my husband’s last name and have no intention of ever doing so. It’s ok to pick and choose. You’re getting married and some people might say that in itself is a tool of the patriarchy to oppress women so you do you.

Heidi says:

At my wedding I walked down the aisle halfway by myself and my husband walked halfway up to meet me and then we walked together. It was lovely. Walk up with your fiance. It is all for you two!

Becca says:

Just wanted to leave my thoughts on the wedding question. I’m Jewish and had a Jewish ceremony, and my wife and I are a lesbian couple, so that’s the context for what we did. In a Jewish wedding it is customary for both parents to walk the bride down the aisle. What we did, was we both walked down the aisle with our parents. My wife went first with her parents, and then I went with mine – there was no handshake, nothing like that. It was more about transitioning from being a part of our first families with our parents to our new family with each other. So I don’t know, maybe that’s an idea – if your husband-to-be walked down the aisle with his parents it would definitely set a more egalitarian tone and be less about an exchange of a woman between one man to another.

Also, I’m officially part of the audience that is BUMMED to hear Totally Married is ending and can’t wait to find out what is in store for us next!

Hope says:

I’m having strong feelings about the LBGTQ person’s neighbor question. DO NOT have this woman over for coffee. She WANTS you to be the bad guy. She’s already painted you that way despite you trying to build bridges and educate. If it were me, I would meet her where she’s at. Send her a message on Facebook (I assume that’s where she’s mouthing off) and just simply say, “I can see what you’re writing about me. It’s hurting my feelings. Please stop.” She won’t understand you trying to educate her on your lifestyle, but she will understand not wanting to see someone gossiping about you. She will understand hurt feelings. And hopefully she’ll be incredibly embarassed and won’t wonder why you don’t want to smile and wave at her.

Shari says:

My husband and I got married 8 years ago and we walked down the aisle together, for the exact reasons you mentioned. Each set of parents walked in first in their respective coupling, followed by groomsmen/bridesmaids in pairings, followed by us. It was SO NICE to connect right before the ceremony, and hold hands as we walked in.

We also didn’t do the garter or bouquet toss, or first dances with our parents. I wore a short pink dress and my ring is an aquamarine stone. And I spent the whole year of planning stressed out because people criticized my decisions every step of the way. But on the day of, no one cared anymore, and it was the wedding WE wanted.

Monica says:

Please bring back Totally Married! It’s my weekly Monday night cooking for the week bash jam! Totally Laime is nice, but Married is what got me hooked, especially as I was getting married this year. Bring back weekly, at least once you get in the Laime groove.

Rachel says:

Yes. I’ve been listened for like 5+ years and it’s been my favorite podcast. For most of that time it was literally the only podcast I even listened to so this is going to hit me hard 🙁 🙁

Kelly says:

Regarding the walking down the aisle – it should 100% be up to you. That includes if your dad really wants you to and you feel like you’re either honoring his wish, or you’re respectfully declining his request.

As for me, I unwittingly did the Swedish tradition of walking together with my husband not only out of feminist reasons and feeling gross about being “given away,” but also because I was already in my early 30s and had lived independently as an adult for a good amount of time. I felt like having parents walk down the aisle with us as a kind of transference from their household to the new one wasn’t really appropriate for our situation, and neither of us were really attached to that tradition.

Aside from a snide remark or two from his parents, everyone was fine with it and we had a heartfelt ceremony that was tailored to us.

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