The Ultimate Party Foul!
03.28.16 | Share: Share on Twitter Share on Facebook
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Totally Married Podcast
Episode 242
Andy and Elizabeth discuss his recent foray into party faux pas involving ham, as well as an update on tennis whites. Then they give their unqualified advice to listener questions about how to be there for a friend from afar who is battling cancer, how to handle your beloved pet who has bitten someone but still wants to be out and about, how to navigate your feelings in a marriage when you’ve been betrayed, how to approach a spouse who has jealousy over a recent pay shift, how to navigate being the spouse of a depressive, whether or not to adopt a retired grey hound (yes!), how to deal with depression after a divorce, and how to handle a new boyfriend who seems like he has potential but is COMING IN HOT!? Enjoy!
15 Comments!
My favorite moment from the podcast was when you read that terrible article from a blog a listener sent in. I wish I could remember which episode it was, if anyone knows I’d appreciate it just to listen to it again. You guys made so much fun of it and it was hilarious.
To the writer innwr who asked about adopting a greyhound. Today is 2 years since we were approved to adopt our Greyhounds Chase. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made in pet ownership. Our dog is such a great part of our family, he’s good with the kids and the cats. One thing I would definitely recommend is look for a rescue group that takes the dogs in and trains them on how to use stairs and make sure they’re potty-trained instead of going through a rescue that takes them straight from the track and adopt them out. Greyhounds don’t take a lot of work - they are known as the 40 mile-an-hour couch potatoes they sleep up to 18 hours a day. A nice 15 minute walk keeps them pretty happy. And they already come crate trained. Check out greytalk on Facebook to talk to lots of Greyhound mom and dads who can answer your questions.
To the writer-inner asking about adopting a greyhound: I grew up with retired racers, and let me say, they are the best! It sounded like the writer-inner was looking for more detailed info, so here you go:
Retired racers are usually pretty young (they retire around 2-4 y/o) and are sweet, cuddly, very sensitive dogs. They are also actually pretty lazy! I think it would be best to adopt one if you have a fenced in yard, or can take the dog to a fenced in dog park every day. Otherwise, in my experience they are pretty content to lay around and cuddle for most of the day once they’ve gotten their sprints out. You could also get away with 1-2 20 minute walks every day.
With that in mind, greys are not exactly an ideal hiking partner (if that is your thing. Some people are looking for a dog to be active with, and assume that racers are really active, outdoorsy dogs). They are sprinters who don’t generally have a ton of stamina. You can totally build up their stamina by taking them on periodically longer and longer walks, and maybe eventually get them up to 5 miles or so (or get lucky with a super active grey), but if your grey gets tired, you will be carrying a 70 pound statue home.
A couple other things to note: some greys can have aggression towards smaller animals, but that is really a case by case thing. Mostly a concern if you have a cat or small dog at home already. Also, their skin is very thin which means that they get cold super easily and are generally bad at temperature regulation, and also their skin can tear/break somewhat easily.
Overall though, they are the sweetest pups, so I say if you’re looking for a low-key cuddly dog, then go for it!!!
As someone who has been diagnosed with cancer and endured its treatment, I am often asked for advice from people on how they can help others in their lives going through the same thing. Spot on advice today from Elizabeth for the writer-inner. Go Fund Me accounts are great, prepared meals, groceries, small, mundane tasks like walking the dog, taking out the trash bins, running small errands are extremely helpful. Having someone come over and do a couple loads of laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc. were so nice. Gift cards for manicures, a Netflix account, new magazines dropped off on the door step with a card are all lovely. The friend going through treatment is dealing with huge life altering changes and decision. Like Eliziabeth said, don’t expect acknowledgement or anything in return. Simply just be there for them. Lastly a BIG SHOUTOUT for friends and caregivers for shouldering the load in these situations. 💕
Thank you Elizabeth, for reading my question! I wrote in about the friend with stage 4 melanoma. And thank you for the great ideas. We’ve been sending care packages and have that Go Fund Me set up, and those other ideas (like hiring someone to come clean the house, etc.) are so helpful.
Thank you so much, Wendy, for the advice. It’s really helpful to know what was truly meaningful as well as practical/useful for you. I so wish we were all local, but we’re all spread out all over the country. We went to high school in the upper midwest and are now in two southern states that are far from each other. So, it’s been tough figuring out what we can do for her from afar. But these are such good ideas - pooling together money to maybe hire someone to come by a couple weeks and do all those annoying chores that she shouldn’t have to worry about right now is a good solution.
This listener who wrote in about going through her divorce is doing a great job. She sounds like she’s very level-headed about the situation and heading in the right direction. Getting through a divorce sucks ass, and you may not feel fully yourself for a full year or longer. During that time, don’t get discouraged if you feel like you’re taking two steps forward and one step back- the point is that you’re still moving forward. You will probably have times when you feel great and like you’re getting over it, followed by a period of intense sadness. It’s okay to wallow and feel sorry for yourself sometimes- divorce SUCKS ASS.
That was me! Thank you kindly. It TOTALLY sucks ass. Spot on description here. Glad I’m not alone.
dr. rosen advice COMIN IN HOT on this episode! I mean…the Forrest Gump analogy alone…
So what does a person do when a dog is left off leash? I’m sort of happy that this was brought up again in this weeks episode because, wouldn’t you know it, I was almost attacked by an off leash dog last night. I walk home from work every night and I keep my earbuds in my ears as I listen to podcasts when last night I heard barking and I looked up and I saw a big angry dog running at me. I was going to run but at that moment knew I wasn’t going to get too far. Before I knew what to do it stopped at the edge of the front lawn of the house that it’s owners were at. When the dog stopped I looked up and saw the owner standing at the porch of his house. The dog was just snarling at me as I stood there scared. The owners just casually called the dogs name which the dog was ignoring. I figured since the owner was there and the dog stopped at the edge of the lawn I was relatively safe this is something the dog does maybe. So I took another few steps and the dog barked at me and took a few steps onto the sidewalk to keep me from moving. I asked the owners if I was okay, and they just responded, “He’s fine, he’s not doing anything.” But by the looks of the dog it was ready to attack me. I’m sure it wouldn’t and this is just how this dog is, but I don’t know this dog and like Elizabeth said this is an animal, it can just decide to attack me. Anyway, I couldn’t move because it kept snarling at me and barking until the owner finally firmly called at the dog which the dog then turned and slowly walked back to the him. I told the owner they should keep the dog on a leash and they just said, “It didn’t attack you. It’s fine.”
So what can I do in that situation? I wanted to call the police which I was “held hostage”, maybe record it with my phone, but I didn’t want to make it a bigger deal than it had to be, but maybe I should have. I’ve been walking to and from work for about nine years now, and I’ve run into this situation a hand full of times. Usually an little dog off leash just runs over and jumps around my feet, once before a big dog ran up and growled at me and the owner had to come over and pull it away and now this. If this happens again, do I call the police, do I shoot video of this dog? What can be done?
Never run from a dog, unless you are able to run to somewhere the dog can’t get you (Like, running towards a tree you can climb or something). A dog can easily outrun you, and they have an instinct to chase, so running is no good. Standing still and seeing what the dog does is probably your best bet. Sometimes they’ll just want to run up to you and bark and then just back off. This also gives the owner a chance to run over and grab the dog, or call it back.
If the dog was off leash on the owners property, technically that’s not illegal, so you can’t really report them.
If I were you, I’d carry mace as a last resort. If a dog doesn’t obey a “come” command from it’s owner, and looks like it’s going to attack you you’re within your right to protect yourself.
Hey I had the first question with the cheating-ass husband. It sounded like I was fighting for a marriage that no longer existed because I was. He did reveal his NINE YEARS and three infidelities in therapy in a “here’s the facts. take from them what you want” way instead of a remorseful way. He still only has remorse for the fallout, not the cheating. All Elizabeth and Andy’s guesses were spot on. And in the three weeks (THREE WEEKS!!) since he revealed the NINE YEARS of cheating I’ve come to terms with moving forward as a single mom who deserves to be in a long term relationship with someone who is head-over-heals in love with me and nothing less. I never want to be settled for again. And I won’t. I have two little kids who deserve the world and to know that the only way to spend your life with someone is when you’re both fully committed. I don’t know how it’s possible but I’d love to hear from another mothers who are going through of have been through divorce. It’s crazy trying to make the right decisions when you have three people to consider. Thanks for the care and the advise E and A!! MUCH LOVE!
Thank you for the update, Lauren, and also I’m so happy to hear that you are healing and moving on. You rule and will find someone who also rules! I am sending you love.
I think you made the right decision. I’ve known couples who have gone through healing a marriage after an emotional affair, and it is basically decades of you feeling like the victim, earning trust back, and Fake-it-til-you-make-it “love”… Which is indeed possible, but extremely difficult. I think the pain you’re going through now will be hard for a few years, but better for you in the long run, especially since your spouse is not remorseful. Try to be as cordial as you can moving forward for the kids’ sake. Strength and peace to you!
Man, since Andy has been reading books his advice is on POINT. That Forrest Gump analogy was amazing.
I have issues with my neighbors in my condo community with unleashed dogs. Minutes ago, I just almost hit a dog while parking my car.
A few months ago, I was getting grocery out of my trunk and there were 6 neighbors in the community space with their dogs. The dogs heard my trunk open and charged at me. Two dogs actually jumped in my trunk! The owner did not have any urgency getting their dogs back in their control — they just lazily tried to call them back. Minutes later, they finally grabbed their dogs. Someone got bitten not too long ago, but people just think that their dogs aren’t a problem … until they are.
Didn’t hear if Andy has pneumonia or if he also has an inhaler?! My brother was sick for weeks and it took a few dr appointments and 3-4 weeks to get diagnosed. Inhalers really work well. Also codiene cough syrup. It helps u to sleep too. I’d call the dr back to get both medicine prescriptions because it’s not reasonable to be that sick so long. Sometimes you have to be assertive in describing your symptoms…
Just thought I’d suggest a few things after hearing that coughing. Colds can quickly slip into pneumonia and that needs specific treatment.