Bladder Emergencies w/Vanessa Ragland!
01.28.15 | Share: Share on Twitter Share on Facebook
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Totally Mommy Podcast
Episode 56
The glorious VANESSA RAGLAND is back and in primo co-hosting mode with tales of being lost with a full bladder and hysterical texts from babysitters. We discuss our good/bad/funnies (Dancing! Climbing stairs! Balance! Diaper Change fiascos! Reading farts! Dog poops matching baby food!) before answering listener questions about the fun/good/bad/funny vortex that is the pregnancy message board, whether or not to get the flu shot while pregnant, and the biggest question of them all - to circumcise or to not circumcise? Enjoy!
27 Comments!
An uncircumcised guy here and I wholeheartedly agree with you guys’ opinion. People like to say it’s less hygienic if you keep it, but I don’t understand that. I run a pretty tight ship and we live in a society where clean water and condoms are pretty easy to come by. Dirty dicks ain’t as big a problem here as it is other countries.
Maybe later in life it’ll be weird though. I’m in college and some of my friends have told me that it’s strange to run into an uncircumcised ween. That idea will probably change in a decade or so.
Regarding the pregnancy message boards. I agree that they can be awful but I have a pretty cool story about the one I was in when I was pregnant with my son. A girl on the message board started a secret facebook group for those due in the same week who wanted to join. They are 25 of us. Our kids are now 19 months old and we still talk every day. We have done secret Santa, sent 1st birthday gifts and have even helped one of our whose husband was deployed by sending her a gift every month he was gone. I have become very close to three of the girls and we are from different areas of the States and one is Canadian. We are meeting for the first time in April for a weekend girls trip! I never thought joining the boards would lead me to meet these amazing ladies but I’m so thankful it did!
Your discussion on circumcision felt like it was directly spoken from my heart. I’m not passionate about others’ choice on the matter though for me it was against my instinct to but my baby boy through any unnecessary (for my family) procedures. It may have helped that I spent a year in Germany teaching English after college so I became ‘familiar’ with men that had the extra skin and knew it was nothing to fear.
My pediatrician said current rates are around 50% so I don’t think guys in the future will be seen as abnormal.
I’m married to a German, and when he learned that circumsision was routine in America, he was in total disbelief. I have rarely seen him so disturbed by anything!
Love the music class singalong. Reminds me of a time at work not too long ago when me and a coworker randomly started singing Let It Go and everyone (childless) looked at us like we were nuts. THE COLD NEVER BOTHERED ME ANYWAY!
I have to say, I have always found the argument (regarding circumcision) that boys should “look like their father” a little weird. Since when are kids checking to see if their penises match their father’s? As a lady, I’ve never needed to know if my vagina looks like my mother’s vagina. Isn’t it a little strange?
Also, I have a friend whose baby was one of the unfortunate few that had a serious complication. The Dr. made a mistake and essentially cut off part of the head of his penis. He’s undergone reconstruction but it won’t ever be the same. These things DO happen. People need to be aware that it can happen to their child. Is it worth it?
I agree. Isn’t the child having the fathers DNA enough? Plus girls have way more folds and crevices than a penis does and we don’t decide to slice off their girls labia.
Just a thought on the “looks like their father” thing… While I agree that circumcision isn’t necessary I did hear my husband out on why he wanted our son to have one and the “looks like their father” reason was basically the only one that made sense to me.
We are what you’d call a “naked family” and so my son will be seeing my husband (and I) naked for a while (until he or us decide we’re no longer comfortable) and that was a real consideration for my husband and I when we made our decision.
Put in other terms, if I had had a girl, I would have made a conscious decision to always have pubic hair so she would know that it is natural to have that and I wouldn’t unintentionally be encouraging her to conform to any societal expectations of not having any.
in response to Jessie - it seems like what you wrote is your reasoning For circumcision. (maybe i’m wrong or confused)
but if that’s the case it is the opposite of your reasoning as to not shave your pubic hair.
I agree showing children the human body in the natural state is a good thing.
Foreskins are natural.
i’m not sure why it would be any different to explain to a boy that its natural to have a foreskin as it would be to explain to a girl that its natural to have pubic hair.
Another fantastic ep, as usual! I so look forward to these each week! Just want to add my voice as a mom who did circumcise her son, after much contemplation. I had reservations about the necessity and the pain involved, but actually found the Jewish ritual, with a mohel, to be incredibly humane and surprisingly moving. Whatever future mamas-to-be choose, I know we’re all approaching it with big love!
not sure how unnecessarily cutting off a part of another persons body without permission can be considered humane.
im glad you were move but he felt an immense pain and is now forever physically scarred (and maybe mentally) .
im sure if you ask parents who circumcised their daughters why they did it , they would say religion and love .
Nathaniel, sorry gotta step in here - You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but I wish you’d left the comment separately as your own thoughts about circumcision as opposed to attacking someone who is entitled to their own opinion and sharing of their experience. You weren’t there, you don’t know what he felt, whether he’s scarred or not. Please be a little more compassionate when leaving comments, or better yet, start a new thread with your thoughts - In fact, I think it would validate your opinions more, if they were presented without hostility. Namaste.
first off , sorry , huge fan of you and your shows.
people are entitled to have an opinion, but that doesn’t make both sides of an argument equally valid.
definition of compassion - sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.
i definitely feel that for every circumcised child
and of parents who made that decision not understanding the full effects of it .
sorry for rudeness or hostility .
but if this isn’t an issue to get angry over , i dont know what is.
unfortunately my anger wont regrow any foreskins.
Re circumcision: Although I was on the fence I decided to circumcise my son. While we were in the doctors office we were still unsure, but finally went ahead with it because we figured if he wanted to get circumcised as an adult it would be a pretty awful experience- at least this way he wouldn’t remember it. If I had the chance I would not have gone through with it. I was with him as the procedure was done and the whole thing is burned into my memory. I won’t go into detail, but I feel I really failed him- he was in pain! And I didn’t stop it and I could have! Dumb, dumb, dumb. I’m sure I will make other (worse) mistakes as a parent, but I will never forgive myself for this one
I’m still on the fence about circumcision due to my personal situation, and I these are the benefits I’ve found with each:
Non-Circumsized: NO painful removal of skin, no risk of infection, possible increased sexual pleasure (cannot be proven)
Circumsized:
CDC says benefits outweigh risks as of 12/14, and I don’t think CDC is out to genitally mutilate boys.
Lower risk of STDs and esp HIV ( I sure as hell wasn’t always “safe” as a youth)
No chance of phimosis
Less chance of hygiene issues, which can cause infection. If you have a boy w autism (1 in 65 chance!) or various other mental illness (severe depression, schizophrenia, etc) he will very likely have hygiene issues and you will have to wash your adult son’s penis. I should know- my bro has autism, and has to have help with his daily hygiene . Luckily he’s circumsized. You cannot guarantee your son won’t have mental illness that will prevent him for washing properly. Same story for older men with dementia. You think CNAs making minimum wage will scrub scrots? Nope, so there’s more painful infection possible in old age.
Circumcision later in life (if a man chooses to do so) is much more complicated and painful.
I’m not trying to disagree with not circumsizing b/c i think it’s a GREAT option IF a man can remain clean and healthy. Unfortunately we can’t guarantee that as parents, and with my family having risk of mental illness I am debating it still, and I simply cannot find more benefits to NOT doing it at this point. Open for more opinions!
Lower risk of STDs and hiv ? not having sex until 18 (or whatever age) , then choosing a healthy partner and condoms lower risk of stds.
less chance of infection- ill assume you have had , or know a women that had a urinary tract infection.
did you cut off your labia to make sure it wouldn’t be infected again ?
ear infections can be cured , uti’s can be cure , no need to cut anything off.
phimosis up until 12 (or around then) is normal , in fact the foreskin shouldn’t be retracted ever , unless by the owner. even if it remains at an advanced age its still not a huge problem and can be fix without cutting the whole thing off . (creams , stretching) cutting it off is an extreme option.
if your son decides the benefits of cutting off part of your penis is so overwhelming, it can be done as an adult. yes more complicated but not impossible.
should a family with a history of breast cancer remove the breast tissue of a baby , just to be careful ?
please don’t violate his bodily rights, and remove by force a very sensitive part of a very important body part. he should decide what body parts ( if any) he wants to remove.
the worst case scenario based on what was presented is that if you don’t circumcise as a baby you will have to do it at a later date. i suggest waiting
Billions of men are living right now perfectly normal lives with their foreskins intact. most seem perfectly o.k with keeping it and i suspect millions more would be too if that was an option for them. Unfortunately that decision and part of their body was taken away from them.
For some reason I don’t think you’re persuading her, Nathaniel. Chill buddy, haha! I get it, you’re passionate but it is pretty common here in the US and there are hundreds of millions that are circumcised and just fine too. I think the wave of change is actually in your favor and the next generation will see it less and less.
In regards to the CDC stat, this may be heretical, but I am not persuaded by the fear of my child getting HIV. I plan to fiercely educate and I have no problem being blunt and straight forward about the risks. I may also have a different perspective if I lived in South Africa where the infection rate is nearly 20%.
I think men with mental health issues have a lot more to worry about than whether they have foreskin or not? Surely.
Do you also think it’s easier for women who have mental health issues to slice off their inner labia? You know, for hygiene purposes.
People against circumcision seem much more passionate than men who have been circumcised. Most men who have been through the experience seem ambivalent, at best.
Reply to Nathaniel:
I believe a response is needed for your verrry opinionated comments. First, congratulations on ALWAYS having safe sex and not having sex till 18! You’re an anomaly! Teen brains aren’t fully developed, so bad decisions happen. The lessened risk of HIV in circumcised men is huge- 60%.
And thanks for completely dismissing my family history of mental illness. I bet no one in your family has any mental issues, either!
Interesting you bring up UTIs- the risk of UTIs in boys uncircumcised is higher. The comparison to girls is moot- UTIs are not related to the labia, it’s because the urinary tract is shorter . All your comparisons about infections that happen within the body is comparing apples to oranges. Infections happen more commonly in men who are uncircumcised, and can be very serious. Fact. Circumsizing later in life is more horrific, period, and sometimes medically necessary.
Please try harder to respect others opinions.
Fun side note: The 2/12/14 episode of Totally Mommy interviews a doula who did circumsize her son and gave reasons why- food for thought!
this whole “opinion” thing is clearly confusing to me.
dismissing my opinions of others opinions as too opinionated ? whatevs
listened to that episode, some things i heard “Dr so and so is here and shes really good at it ” the idea of being “good at it” is sooo disturbing
“lots are botched jobs” in my opinion all are botched and all cause injuries by definition
lots more i could say and more detail to get into but wont ,
much love for elizabeth and andy - keep on keepin on
peace
Like the ladies, I pretty much had a non-opinion… until I looked into it. I nearly lost it when my baby needed several heel picks for blood, can’t imagine subjecting him to a medically unnecessary procedure for any reason. Anyway, I think you handled an emotional issue very well. I do want to share something for people on the fence. I had two male friends talk to me separately and privately when we announced that we were having a boy. Both encouraged me to not do it. One has had medical issues, resulting in painful erections, and he didn’t even know why until he was an adult (because he couldn’t talk to his parents about it and had an asshole family Dr who dismissed him) and the other just felt it was a violation and really wished he could have known what it was like to be intact. Any doubts I had were totally gone after these conversations. I can’t imagine facing my adult son if he ended up unhappy with an irreversible choice made for him . I think it’s a good exercise (visualising this conversation for both scenarios, unhappy having and unhappy not having it done) for anyone on the fence.
I guess I missed a hot topic (circumcision) , but I had to turn you off after the insulting way you discussed parents who choose not to vaccinate. We are all trying to do what is best for our kids, and I felt the way you spoke was extremely offensive. No one is trying to infect your kids with measles. There is no unbiased research on vaccine safety, the way they are scheduled now. I’m sure I’m not the only person who (previously) listened to your podcast, but doesn’t feel comfortable with vaccinating my tiny children. And before you think I’m some uneducated bumpkin, I am a registered nurse who hears plenty of stories of people hurt by vaccines. Thanks for reading!
Hey Jenn~ This is surprising to hear because I actually was trying to be as non insulting/aggressive as possible - I obviously have strong views on the subject but certainly wouldn’t want to insult anyone over it, even if it does make me angry. Hoping I can find a way to express my feelings - which do include anger - about it without hurling insults… So I do sincerely apologize if there were insults such as name calling or anything else that was childish, that’s shitty. The truth is that I take this super seriously, especially with the recent developments in my city. This is a parenting choice that you are making, that normally would fall under my, “do your thing” category because I do know that you are making that choice with your kids best interests at heart. I know you are not trying to give my kid measles, obviously! However, surely you understand that the reality (as we’ve seen recently in a very real way here in LA) is that your choice is putting MY child in danger. I’m guessing that parents who don’t vaccinate by choice (not because their child is immunosuppressed, which is a whole different layer to this whole thing) feel free to make that choice because there is the safety net of us parents who do vaccinate, so it all feels terribly unfair to me. What happens when all parents choose not to vaccinate - then 50% of our babies or more are contracting measles and polio and suffering, going blind, and dying and we are all sequestered to our islands? Sadly, it’s moving in that way and will probably continue to for a while before the fear of horrible diseases far outweighs the (statistically small) hurt that you mention that you have seen from vaccines. I’m looking at pre-schools’ PBE rates (% of parents opting out of vaccines) and am upset at how risky it could be just to send Teddy to school. Point being, that’s fine that you choose not to vaccinate but it’s also then fine for me to be angry about my child being in danger because of it. I don’t intend to insult, but I do feel free to express my anger about the consequences that directly affect my child. I think that’s fair.
http://www.cnn.com/2015/02/04/living/feat-measles-parents-vaccinate-children/
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/02/us/a-discredited-vaccine-studys-continuing-impact-on-public-health.html?_r=0
I wanted to way in coming from America but living in Africa. My husband is a Muslim and I am not, but I completly respect his religion. Here in West Africa boys do get circumsied but they do it here as a ceremony and when they are older, around 6-8 years old. To be honest, for our son that, I couldn’t handle. I went back to the States to deliver him (5 years ago). Knowing that was in my sons future and not being ok with him being older and not knowing if it was even sanitary I did it in the States when he was a baby. I probably would have done it anyway even if religion hadn’t played a part.
I love your podcasts and Ive listened to every one, even the totally married, Laime, and TBASH. I’m just catching up after being super busy giving birth to my second son. I was a bit worried when circumcision came up and my heart dropped. I’m really glad the convo went the way it did!!! You are constantly reminding me why I love listening to this show; you are so relatable for me.
Circumcision is something I am passionate about because of the fact that I was lied to with my son and was only 5 days away from his procedure when I finally realized it. The people who lied were my doctors. They told me it was dirty, that 80% of men have problems and have to be circumcised eventually. My doctor even retracted my son during a visit and ripped his head/foreskin then told me that the resulting swelling and infection was because he was dirty!
I found out just in time that over 80% of the world is intact and there are so many more risks from being circumcised than being left intact. I also found out that American doctors in my state where yhe rate is higher, often know nothing about circumcision other than how to do it, they also know nothing about the natural penis. Either that or they flat out lie to ppl about it.
I’m really glad you guys would leave it up to the owner of the penis. It’s his body, his choice right?
I am tardy to the “Totally Mommy” podcast. I am 8 months pregnant and am binge listening to every episode. I love, love, love Vanessa Ragland. She just gave a shout out to my Alma Mater - Virginia Tech!!I knew she was good people
Love you too Elizabeth!