In response to the girl who was wondering whether or not to go to a bar alone: I love this question! I, too, am a girl who has frequently ventured to bars alone. In fact, going to a bar one night solo led me to eventually meet a lot of cool people in my neighborhood. This was when I first moved to Brooklyn and did not know a single person in my area. It wound up being the best decision I made once I moved here. There is still a double standard for men and women at bars. Men can go to relax and unwind but if a girl is alone she’s either there to meet someone or get picked up by someone. It’s stupid but it’s true. Here’s what I suggest: Pick your bar wisely. If what you truly want is JUST to make friends, avoid overly packed bars with too-loud music. Find a place thats a little more mellow, one that you can find a seat at and that is conducive to having a conversation. Also, don’t get too dressed up. If you’re wearing heels and a dress it’s going to imply you’re there to pick up dudes. You don’t want that…I’m pretty sure. Stay casual. And just be smart about what you’re drinking and how much you’re drinking. If a guy offers to buy you a drink, politely refuse with a “oh no that’s fine I’ve got this”. If you’re getting weird vibes from someone, you don’t have to talk to them. If you feel uncomfortable then leave. The main point is I don’t think being a woman should make you feel weird about going into a bar by yourself. Try it once. It can be a little adventure. Just be smart.

I will say that where I live there is a quiet bar like this on almost every block and I live in a relatively safe part of Brooklyn. I don’t know St Louis very well (except for an unfortunate Mardi Gras experience one year) but just be wise about your surroundings and you should be fine. There’s a terrific book that discusses the topic of women in bars called “Drinking With Men” it’s a memoir by Rosie Schaap. It’s wonderful and should be read anyway but she expresses her feelings on the matter in a way that makes so much sense. Truthfully, if done well, bar culture can be really interesting. I’ve had some of my favorite conversations with people I’ve just met at bars. I will say, you’re probably not going to make many girlfriends in this scenario and you probably shouldn’t expect to find a boyfriend this way either but if you’re looking to get out and meet some of the local-types then why not?

In response to the girl who doesn’t want to tell her family that she feels like she needs therapy- I had a terrible experience with this when I was in high school. My families motto is ‘take the pain and shut up about it’. So when it came time to tell my mom I was having major issues, this didn’t go over well. I too sought out the help of a counselor at school and she made it worse. She involved my mom and I couldn’t help but think she told some or all of my teachers which made me feel like I was under a microscope all day at school and then made to feel weak when I got home because my mom just didn’t get it. I really recommend confiding in a dear friend that you feel safe with and can trust or at the very least, finding a creative outlet like writing for example. It doesn’t have to be journaling, even just writing like poems and short stories that are for your eyes alone, seemed to help me a lot. Other than a creative outlet, the only thing that really helped was time, growing older and gaining new perspectives on life (I’m 28 now and though I still jump hurdles every now and then, it’s not quite as hard). I think that time doesn’t heal the wound but it def scars up which only makes you stronger. I hope this helped? THINGS DO GET BETTER whether you believe it or not, they get better. But YOU are the only person that’s going to be able to help you out. I don’t know you but sending my love your way, from a former (and sometimes current) young hurter.<3 you're not alone.

Elizabeth’s response to the “BJ Maneuver” that Andy suggested was another example of why Andy counts himself lucky. I was assuming at first the the bj would just be the way to get “sexy time” rolling, not how to end it. I found it interesting that it never crossed anyone’s mind.

I mean, if you are throwing that in there as a warm up, I don’t really care if you are using me for my body. 😉

Just throwing this out there as well:
I work somewhere with a bar on the premises. Don’t hesitate to ask someone that works in the bar to make sure you get to your car okay, or to tell some creeper to buzz off.
No one hates the creepers at the bar more than the people who work there.

So I just wanted to say Andy’s story about his tummy issues had me laughing so hard at my desk. People around me were looking at me like I was a crazy lady! I can totally relate. Thanks for that

Hi guys and gals! I’m the girl who wrote in about her sister getting married. So far I’ve just been trying to be really supportive of her. She asked me to be her matron of honor, so that definitely gets me an “in” for asking her about the details. I’ve been helping her with anything that she needs and made small comments like “we’ve got so much to do in so little time!” She’ll usually laugh and just say thanks so much for helping. She hasn’t expressed any doubt to me, so I hope everything goes well. It’s hard to sit back and watch her make choices that I feel are going to be disastrous, but I’ve gotta let her do her own thing I guess. Thanks for the feedback, LaimeWeds!

I’m the person who wrote in about my husband thinking I was using him for his sperm I appreciate all the feedback! I must say that I was extremely anxious about this but listening to Andy and Elizabeth’s comments and suggestions made me realize I need to stop stressing about getting pregnant. It’s easier said than done, but I’m trying! Oh, and more bjs, too That seems to be the consensus. Lol. Thanks again!