To the guy who is talking about his wifes pubic hair. This is exactly what your question sounded like:

‘I’m a nice guy so she should shave for me. She shaved for everyone else so I deserve it.’

You’re not a jerk for preferring clean shaven, you’re a jerk for using her past against her.

Hi there!

Long time listener, first time poster.

Just wanted to comment about the question from the Lady who was concerned and asking for advise with her husband’s listening skills. Perhaps it was the way Elizabeth was reading the question (she WAS just coming off of that disgusting blue grilled cheese fiasco story - yuck… who would like that??), but to me, I couldn’t help feel like part of the blame for the issue of poor communication lays squarely on the lady’s shoulders.

Some of the wording and tone I picked up in her question (ie: “… we have a very big issue with him forgetting”), made me have a gut reaction that the lady writing in is a nag. It all came across more like she was a frustrated mother to a child, than someone’s equal partner.

I couldn’t shake that idea throughout the rest of the question and answer (and with that point of view in mind), and I have to say I feel for the guy if my perception is correct. Seems like this is something she is always going on and on and on about, and maybe all he wants is a break. So yeah, he zones out and decided to catch a few minutes of shut eye, during what I’m sure wasn’t the first time he had to sit through her “drawn out explanation of her feelings”. And perhaps having to listen to her constantly go on and on about how horrible of a listener he is just worsens the situation? I know I wouldn’t be keen to be an active participant in a repetitively occurring convo about my poor listening skills.

Again, just the vibe I got from the question and the wording, and felt like someone needed to be supportive in his corner. We don’t know his side of things, but the question definitely came across to me as naggy (not a word, I know), and felt very parental. Not cool if she’s expecting a mature adult conversation about emotions and self betterment.

Keep up the great work guys! Awesome podcast!

For the woman having trouble communicating with her husband, I wanted to recommend looking into Non-Violent Communication (resource: http://www.ayahuasca-wasi.com/english/articles/NVC.pdf). The NVC framework is to communicate by making an observation + feeling + need + request. I was thinking that perhaps the husband would find it easier to identify that his wife was communicating important information if her needs and a request were made more explicit.

Two thoughts on the The Husband Who Can’t Do Feelings:

1) My husband (together 10 yrs) has made very similar statements during arguments in the past. In the heat of the argument, I’m sure I was pissed and let him know, but upon reflection I can definitely see my own husband’s case. He is very laid back, very even-keeled - rarely gets angry, upset, etc. I am the opposite: very sensitive, want to talk about my every feeling, prone to nitpicking little things in our relationship. I think that sometimes, constantly discussing my feelings and issues can be exhausting, and maybe not be seen as productive in the eyes of my more pragmatic husband. I got the feeling this writer-in-er and I were in the same boat.

I think it’s important your partner respects your feelings, but this might not be as easy as you think. My advice: think more carefully about how and what you throw at your partner, maybe there’s a better way to communicate your feelings than you have been doing.

2) The phrasing - “How am I supposed to remember your feelings” - screams of Aspergers. Could be way off base, but I know it goes under-diagnosed…