I’m a mom to a 1 y/o (16 mo old) and I was nodding along to the entire parenting styles conversation. There are so many different ways to parent along a spectrum. It’s all about making it work for you and your family. We adopt some attachment styles, extended breastfeeding (now for morning and night, Andy bubble of peace 😉 ), babywearing, did lots of soothing when baby was young. Have a touch of the crunchy mom qualities: glass bottles, cloth diapers, etc. But I also have very non-attachment qualities: I work outside the home and am away from home more than my husband and we did sleep training (Dr. Weissbluth scheduling that actually didn’t require much crying). We have a great groove going, try to stay very positive and happy, but also within boundaries so that he stays happy and healthy.

It’s all about forming something that is effective for your personality and your kid’s. My favorite advice I received was that it’s okay to learn as you go, that’s why they are born as babies, you don’t have to worry about disciplining a toddler yet (and let’s not forget eventual teenagers).

My good: My son fell asleep last night while he was nursing. So I got extra cuddles, which were necessary because….
My bad: I have two work commitments this week that require me to miss bedtime twice. It’s a total bummer, and I usually don’t like to be away more than one a week (if at all).

This has been a very rough week for our family so we really needed a funny and boy did I get from my 4 year old son.

My Bad: Telling my son someone he loves dearly, his aunt had passed.

My Funny: His response:
“She got dead?” Yes
“She’s in heaven with Nana & Papa?” Yes
“They’re having a party?” Yes! They are having a party welcoming her.
“I bet they have balloons…and a BOUNCE HOUSE!!!”

I love all 3 of your podcasts and look forward to the new shows every week. I love laughing with you, your relationship is refreshing and I appreciate you putting yourselves out there.

For the mom with a smoking parent, it goes beyond just how they smell. Smoke residue left on the clothing can cause severe eye and nose irratation in infants and babies. My son had very sensitive skin as an infant after many Dr. visits we learned his face rash, eye swelling and labored nose breathing was from the smoke residue. Both grandma’s smoke, we thought we had taken every precaution with having them wash hands and always having them to our home instead of going to theirs. Sounds severe and at the time everyone thought we were ridiculous, but we would make them change into Hanes Tshirts we purchased when they came over, viola! Cleared his issues right up!

Turns out farts are actually good for you!

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2014/04/28/306544406/got-gas-it-could-mean-you-ve-got-healthy-gut-microbes?utm_source=digg&utm_medium=email

Love the show.

Recently discovered your podcasts and love all three!

I went to an infant cpr class and the instructor mentioned the link between being around smoke and SIDS. I don’t know more info on how strong the link is and how much the baby would have to be around it but it scared the day lights out of me. She suggested asking the person to change a shirt or give them a blanket to put over them before they hold the baby.

Hi guys! Love you both so much! Hey I breasted both my boys until they were almost 3 and I am so far from a hippie! We were just poor and couldn’t afford formula, then before I knew it it was a habit enjoyed by both of us. I was totally judged by my friends and family, and actually quit because of that. (It was also time for sure!) but looking back now, I can say with such clarity that I am so glad I did it for that long. They are almost 11 and 8 now, the iPad gets more affection than me, and there are days when I miss my babies so much. When a door gets slammed in my face, or a too cool for you now tween ignores me in front of his friends, I think back to those blissfull days of putting the boppy around my waist, whipping out the bobs and nursing that sweet little boy who thought I hung the moon. It goes by waaaay too fast!!! Love that baby of yours up for sure!

I wanted to write to the Mama who’s having a baby boy and wanted to foster his “feminist” qualities and rejected the “tough guy” baby wear. RIGHT ON I say. I have a three year old boy who is empathetic, kind, affectionate, thoughtful, and expresses his emotions. That’s what I’m reading when you say “feminist”.

As for those typical boy clothes - YUCK! I’m all about dressing my guy in clothes that I love (read stripes, no corporate logos, and things made by people in the usa). Until he chooses his own clothes I will choose the kind of clothes I’m willing to buy. When it comes to clothes given as gifts when he was little and even now, I washed them and put them in the drawer and MOST of them got worn once, usually with the gift giver around, before I donated them. If I could exchange them for something more my taste, I exchanged it. It drove my husband crazy because I was able to express my feelings to my family and so most of those “boy” clothes came from his side of the family. My husband has grown to accept my silly clothes rules. I spend all day every day with this boy, no one else has this intimate a relationship with his clothes. It’s only fair that I get some joy from the clothes he’s wearing. Now that he’s 3 he picks out his own outfits, but I still pick the clothes in the drawers.

I recently read this article on raising a moral child, but I think the same technique applies to raising an emotionally literate child: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/12/opinion/sunday/raising-a-moral-child.html?_r=0

What we want to move away from in this country are boys who are taught to “man up” instead of express their feelings and communicate effectively. Instilling the “feminist” or “feminine” quality of knowing how they feel and being able to communicated it effectively with their friends, family, classmates, co-workers and future partner.

I have achieved what I am proud to say is an emotionally literate little person by ALWAYS acknowledging his feelings. Before he could speak to what he was feeling I would give him the words. “Oh boy, it looks like you’re frustrated. I understand, it’s frustrating not to play with that (insert ANYTHING)” And before he could apologize I would help him sign “I’m sorry” to someone he hurt. When I’m upset I narrate my feelings to him. “I’m feeling so sad because I keep asking you to_____ and you’re not cooperating with me.” ANY feeling I have I rationally share and express with him. When he’s having an irrational tantrum I ATTEMPT to help him express what he’s feeling. “You can say ‘I’m disappointed we can’t stay at the park, mom'” and if that doesn’t work I give him a break. The break is time alone to calm down and regain rational thinking. Of course if we are at home it’s easy for me to walk away and give him space. If we were out I would wrestle him into his carseat and ignore his screams until he calms down. If he insists on having the tantrum on me I’ll put him in bed to chill out. I don’t see it as punishment; simply the opportunity to regain his composure, settle down, become rational again. It’s exactly what adults need to do when they are feeling overwhelmed by a situation and unable to express it rationally: walk away, calm down, re-address the situation later.

When he calms down I encourage him to apologize for the way he’s treated me “I need you to say ‘Sorry for kicking and hitting and screaming at you mom’ because you hurt me and I’m feeling sad” and when he does I thank him and forgive him.

We work very hard not to create any shame surrounding feelings or even behavior. Mistakes are made, bad choices happen. We call them what they are, give him the opportunity learn from it, and move forward.

To address Andy’s concern of creating a wimpy kid I have to disagree. I focus on teaching him to be assertive, to communicate his feelings openly and without shame, and to listen. I’m careful not to solve his problems for him but to rather give him the tools to solve his own problems, eventually.

Will he go out and get hurt, yes. But he will always know that he can come home and tell me about it without fear of anger, shame, or belittling with a “Man Up.”

Thanks for having this forum! I love all the podcasts!

Good: {expressing emotion while riding in the car}
“Mom, I’m just feeling frustrated right now.”
“Why?”
“Because I just REALLY don’t want to get gas.”

Bad: He caught a cold, my husband has been gone for a week, and we are visiting family 3 hours from home. So our sleep is REALLY broken up and I’m getting worn out.

Funny: I’m 33 weeks pregnant. My little guy goes to all my OB appointments. On the way home he held up his right hand, snapped on a rubber glove and said “Mom, I’m your doctor, I’m gonna check your baby!”