New Years Happy-Off!
12.29.14 | Share: Share on Twitter Share on Facebook
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Totally Married Podcast
Episode 182
Happy almost New Years, Laimeweds! Elizabeth and Andy discuss all the things… gratitude and who’s happier and oy vey, racism, before giving their super unqualified advice to listener questions about feeling too dependent on one’s family in your twenties, getting help with mental illness when your family isn’t supportive, how to overcome serious body insecurities to jump into dating, and how to handle a boyfriend who is a jekyll hyde when it comes to socializing. Love to you all - Happy New Year and Enjoy!
17 Comments!
Regarding the 17 year old guy who thinks he may have bipolar, I would second the suggestion of talking to your mom first, and then if you run into difficulties with talking to her about it, I would also second the suggestion of talking to your school counselor about your issues and concerns. Tell him/her you’d like to seek treatment for the things you’re struggling with, which may include medication depending on your diagnosis, and also explain the troubles you’re having with your mom and her opinions on medication/etc. The counselor may be able to help give you advice on how to approach the situation, or may even be able to facilitate a meeting with him/her, you, and your mother to work toward a solution.
If you have a good relationship with your mom otherwise, I think having her “in your corner” during the journey of treatment would really help.
Good luck!
Good to hear Elizabeth reflecting on This Year In Happiness.
As a big time Laimewad and -wed (and bevhead) it’s been a great year for the Laime-Rosen family. So many exciting, wonderful things.
(Oh, and I understand not feeling comfortable in your skin, but Elizabeth is still a stone-cold fox. )
To the writer-inner that has the Negative Nelly BF:
Definitely talk to him in a kind way if you haven’t before, and mention that this bothers you. You could also frame it as, “Hey, I want to start generally being more positive in the new year and I think it would be more awesome if you do it with me.” Then you can deflect some of the defensiveness that he might feel when you bring it up. I’m not sure if this applies to you at all, but it could help you to make positive comments about things and people as an example for him.
OH and have him search youtube ‘This is Water’ a commencement speech that David Foster Wallace gave in the early 2000’s - it covers this idea of choosing not to go around in public and looking at everyone negatively.
Finally, if this is just ‘who he is’ and he has no interest in changing - I would give this guy the old Andy bounce.
I listen to podcasts at 1.4 speed. 1.5 was where it started to sound too sped up. It allows me to listen to more podcasts without falling behind on episodes.
Woah woah - I’m a listener of all podcasts (TBASH too!), and did I miss the boat on the ABC buying the pilot news?! I usually listen while I work, so I may have been distracted and missed it, but CONGRATULATIONS!!!
2 things:
About the lady with the negative bf, I love Nic’s advice. However my 2 cents about that is to be concerned. I dated a guy like that and it turned out to be an abu dive relationship. This behaviour could be a sign of trying to isolate you from ‘others’. I have no idea about your relationship so this may not be the case at all, but for me what you described could be a warning sign,
About the med student:
I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with you relationship with your family, at the same time it is good that you are realistic about the fact that it will be sad when this dynamic eventually has to change. It will be a loss, and it’s okay for you to grieve that. I bet you’re stronger than you think and that the sadness will be balanced by other exciting new developments. Don’t think you have to fit into what everyone else does. Make your own path dear
Best of luck to all!
Hi Elizabeth and Andy!
Just wanted to make a quick non-judgmental observation regarding the Hasidic Jew/racism conversation! While Elizabeth and I are on the same page with the “we’re all a little bit racist” thing, I think your feelings towards Hasidic Jewish men should be classified as prejudice and not racism. You pre-judge them based on your past experiences without getting to know them as individuals. This happens all the time to people of every race, I’m sure (I’m white, BTW) but it’s important to acknowledge those feelings so we can move past them or at least understand them better. I hope this is a dialogue our culture can get more comfortable having.
Also, it seems like you may have seen an extra unpleasant side of things while you were living in New York. I found a New Yorker article called “The Outcast” by Rachel Aviv, and it’s about how Brooklyn politicians basically let Hasidic Jews police themselves in exchange for political support. It seemed relevant to your experience, and seemed like it was going down pretty intensely and recklessly when you guys were living there. But who knows? Maybe they really are all trash bags.
Love all the podcasts, y’all! Happy New Year!
I don’t listen to podcasts on faster speed because 1.5 simply too fast to enjoy a person’s voice there should be a 1.10 / 1.2 but audiobooks I do!since there is the option to go 1.10 1.2 For movies I watch them in 1.1 and 1.2 speed and frankly I think it’s sacrilegious to listen to any of the totally laime podcasts on anything but regular speed because you guys are just too fucking adorable:)
Who enjoys life more? Just listen to the podcasts. Not a week goes by without a complaint of one sort or another about her life from Elizabeth while the rare times Andy complains it is usually in some humorous vein.
What’s the deal with ABC? Talk about burying the lead!?
I agree on the enjoying life. Andy seems to be a guy who moves about life so happily that at times Elizabeth is kinda amazed by it. Bit more “not a care in the world”.
I respectfully disagree. This podcast is one hour a week out of their lives, and they’re going to talk about some of the interesting things that happened to them, whether they be positive or negative things. Elizabeth might feel the need to discuss the maybe-not-so-positive things in her life, maybe she feels those stories are more engaging. Maybe Andy isn’t the same way.
I don’t think one hour’s worth of content a week (only 30 minutes or so of each is actually discussing their personal lives) should dictate to strangers which one of them enjoys their life more.
Yeah that’s kind of weird to measure something as complex and dynamic as “enjoying life” - how do you define that, exactly? And it’s even weirder to measure it based on the hour-per-week window into their lives we get.
To the gal with PCOS,
I was diagnosed with PCOS at 17 (I’m 29 now) so I totally get what you are going through. I don’t have too much scarring but I definitely have issues with facial hair. I too have tried pretty much everything and at this point I pluck every couple of days. When I was a bit younger I felt the same insecurities, its hard to feel feminine with hairs on your chin. From experience I can say that most people don’t notice it or if they do they are nice enough not to say anything. I think bringing it up to someone you want to hook up with is just going to draw attention to something they probably would not have noticed in the first place. The only person i’ve only really talked to this about (other than my close girlfriend) is my husband and I think waited for a few months. He swore he hadn’t noticed and reacted with compassion not disgust.
As far as finding online groups, if you reddit you can subscribe to their PCOS subreddit at http://www.reddit.com/r/pcos, there are a bunch of really supportive ladies there who all know what we PCOS sufferers are going through.
Good luck! Don’t stress, its never as bad as it seems.
Respectfully disagreeing back, it’s more like 4 hours a week and they are both so candid it’s hard to believe they are otherwise.
I listen at 1.5 speed! Occasionally the FreshAir podcasts are a little too quick for 1.5 speed and I listed to Serial at regular speed, but everyone else is 1.5 for sure! It’s a time-saver!
To the 17 year old with bipolar:
In my area we have a metal illness crisis line and they have a crisis team. You can call at anytime with any questions and they are very helpful. If they think you need to be evaluated they will send a team directly to you. I used this resource many times dealing with my bipolar husband. They are great for helping you find exactly what you need for your situation. I would look for a similar resource in your area.
Also there is a group called NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) who offers free classes to help understand Mental Illness and what you can do. They have classes for the person with mental illness and classes for friends and family. I think you should take the class and suggest to your mother that she takes the friends and family class to help her better understand what you are dealing with. I have taken the friends and family class and it was extremely helpful. You can network with others in the class and I learned a lot from the teachers and from other members of the class.
Good luck! I think it is very good that you can recognize this and are willing to get the help you need.
To the person with the negative BF,
I’ve seen another comment mention it but the isolation + othering is a bit of a red flag. I don’t know you so maybe this isn’t that serious! Maybe he’s just kind of anti-social and/or codependent. But even then, can you see yourself dealing with that one year down the road? Two? I think the key might be in how he reacts when you talk to him about it.
If he shuts the conversation down, makes comments akin to you two vs the world, or talks about only needing you… intentionally or (hopefully) not he’s working up to isolating you.
If it stays an open convo but he doesn’t see a problem with it, then consider if you’d be happy with this continuing down the line, possibly forever, possibly not.
If it stays an open convo between you two and he even possibly starts taking steps to change how he vents, you’re on your way!
Best of luck!