Time Ain’t No Thang!
08.31.15 | Share: Share on Twitter Share on Facebook
Podcast Image
Totally Married Podcast
Episode 216
Elizabeth and Andy discuss her recent fun work adventure as well as light subjects such as stacked time and the space/time continuum before giving their unqualified advice to listener questions about a toxic work relationship, how to proceed with a partner who is not able to show that he is listening and what to do when your fiancee plagiarizes your jokes? Enjoy!
20 Comments!
Congratulations, Elizabeth! Thanks for letting us in on the excitement of your landmark achievement.
Elizabeth, I am SO HAPPY for you! This is fucking great news and so, so, so deserved. I’m a writer too (recently signed with a literary agent, what what!) and listening as you have been going on this career journey and hearing you talk about your goals (on both Totally Laime & Married) fifteen years ago vs now has been so inspiring to me. You are a great example of the idea that careers don’t always go the way we expect, but when it’s something you want so bad and believe you can do, if you keep working and working then great things will happen one day. Great things are, and will keep, coming to you. Congratulations! xo
Congratulations Elizabeth! So happy for you!
I think Andy’s specific use of the age forty might stem from Friday’s TBASH episode. A listener called in and discussed his recent health kick since turning forty, and also referenced TBASH’s recent guest, Dave Theune, and his health kick as he approaches forty. Maybe something these guys discussed spoke to Andy!
Elizabeth! I’m so pleased for you. I first heard you on Riki Lindhome’s podcast a few years ago talking about how you were trying to get staffed, and now you’re selling shows. So inspiring. Congratulations!
Wow! I have so much stuff to say about today’s episode!
First and foremost, I am so excited for you, Elizabeth!! What wonderful news.
It’s interesting, the comment that you made today about feeling reassured by thinking that time is non-linear reminded me of something else that you said recently about why you like astrology. It’s not totally apples to apples, but it’s kind of like there is a cosmic reason why this is happening, so that makes you feel better- at least that is how I took it. I almost wrote a comment then, that I would worry if your astrologer told you that maybe you were in for a bad month or two you would (even just a smidge) start to expect it and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy?
About the direction of time- the laws of physics don’t really care about time having a direction…except for one case, which changes everything! The property of the universe that gives time its direction is entropy. Entropy is a measure of the amount of order in things, and there is a fundamental law that says that things will always move from a more ordered to a less ordered state (in a closed system). That is why when you add cream to coffee it quickly mixes, and you never see a mixed cup of coffee turn into a cup of black coffee with a dollop of cream floating around in it. Likewise, the universe before the big bang was an ordered state, and after is tending toward disorder, voila! Time has a direction.
Here is a super quick, amazingly yummy, pretty healthy vegetarian snack: Take one can black beans, rinse, and put in a medium sized bowl. Chop one avocado, add to bowl. Add some crumbled feta cheese. Add 1/2 tsp chili powder. Add 1-2 Tbsp lime juice. Mix.
Finally, I was the writer inner with the joke/anecdote thief for a fiance. For what it’s worth, my friend and my fiance have a love-hate relationship. Thanks for the advice, I will try to talk to him about it again…ugh, and I feel like such a douche for talking about my education …pffft, oh well, trying to answer your question about time probably doesn’t help me sound less pompous, but whatever! I thought it was a neat question.
So, so happy for you!!!
We’ve traveled a few times with our little one, who’s just about Baby Oprah’s age, and at each flight, TSA has pulled us out of line and brought us to Pre-Approved. Traveling with a baby, in our experience, has been SUPER easy and TSA-Pre is SUPER badass.
Congrats Elizabeth!! I can’t wait for the show. That’s amazing that you made your dream happen. So happy for you!
Interesting perspective on what the Ashley Madison hack has done to a percentage of the users - as one who is Saudi by heritage this affected me more than it might affect others; however, I do think this is an important side to keep in mind:http://www.libel.news/ashley-madison-leak-used-by-saudi-arabia-to-imprison-gays/
Hey hey hey!!!! Way to go!!!! Can’t wait to watch your show! It’s been such a joy to ride along on your journey - Congrats!
Congrats Elizabeth! I can’t wait to see the show!
I do have to say that I think the cheating issue can be situational. I cheated on my ex with my husband. It was a bad situation that I was in, immaturity and desperation kept me in a relationship that was totally broken. I have now been with my husband 10 years and I have never cheated on him. He hasn’t ever been worried that I would.
I have done some deep soul searching and made strict boundaries for myself in order to never be put in a situation where cheating would even be an option. This is not something he asked for but something I have done for myself. I am sure that it has been a reason why he isn’t concerned about me ever cheating on him though.
So reform and healthy relationships can come from that situation but probably only if people do the work.
Hey, I just wanted to put my two cents in about the listener question on how to deal with her partner’s lack of showing active listening.
Linguistic studies show that backchanneling (the term for these responses) is far more associated with female listeners. It is even considered to be an act of gender performance and men often have troubles to use backchanneling in an authentic way. This even goes as far as some big business companies train their employees to use nodding and expressions such as “really”, “uhhuh” and so on to signal that they are listening.
I guess what I want to say with this is that it does not come naturally for many men to use these ways to show that they are listening, maybe it helps that the writer and her partner definitely are not alone in this and that there are ways to train active listening. However, she also wrote that it feels somewhat superficial when he does use these expressions to her.
I guess it all depends on whether he is really listening or not, just because he does not immediately respond does not mean he is not listening.
Best of luck anyway, I totally understand how frustrating this must be in the long run
Congrats on the show, Elizabeth!!!
Also, Andy’s energy on the show this week is killing me (in a good way). He reminds me of how my husband acts when he drinks Mountain Dew
Congrats Elizabeth! I was wondering where you got your journal from? I love the idea of a journal that allows you to see previous entries from the same day.
Congrats E! Proud and a little jealous of your success! 😉
Andy, caffeine causes me to feel like shit too. Makes my anxiety skyrocket. I think I recall that you identify as an introvert? An interesting thing I read in the book “Quiet” by Susan Cain is that introverts are often more affected by coffee. By the way I highly recommend the book for both of you.
Wow, congrats Elizabeth! So thrilled for you. You are a true talent. All the best
Congratulations, Elizabeth! I’ve been following since the beginning and loved every episode, but especially hearing your great news! So excited for you! I really hope you’re giving yourself full props and some much needed R&R because you deserve it. Of course, Andy is THE BOMB for being such an awesome supportive husband. I feel like you guys have such a wonderful road ahead of you!
P.S. My husband and I started doing our nightly grateful discussions and its resulted in some wonderful discussions.
I’m the writer inner whose husband has trouble showing he’s listening. I totally understand how you two responded. But to clarify, I believe my husband does hear me about important things and I generally feel he considers my feelings and emotions important and understands my perspective on things. We’ve actually been seeing our therapist occasionally for most of the relationship to strengthen our overall relationship including to make sure we’re communicating effectively. That’s improved a lot, despite this active listening issue.
In some ways the listening issues do drive me crazy. It’s hard to not be able to tell if someone is paying attention when you’re talking. But it’s mostly just during stuff like daily conversations, not about big deal things. Maybe the problem is I tend to be a blabber, so early I used to basically tell him everything I did that day and expected him to be interested in all of it. Now I’ve learned to be much more selective and tell him only the most interesting things. But he still doesn’t usually know how to respond. I used to ask him for follow up questions but he has no idea what to ask. It’s just not his strong suit.
But I really did mean it when I said that knowing what I know about our relationship, the appropriate thing for me to do right now is to figure out how to be chill about this specific issue. My husband is a truly incredible man who makes me feel loved and supported daily, and I’ve been marveling recently at how amazing of a husband he really is. He was awesome even from the moment we started dating (5 years ago) but now he’s just…even more amazing. He doesn’t even notice all of the little things he does to help out and make me happy.
Right now he’s focused on two aspects of life and career that take a lot of effort, especially mental and emotional effort. Without going into specifics, one of those is actually another example of a way in which he’s a totally amazing husband to me. The other one is him working towards his career where he’ll be helping tons of people and I think making the world a better place. This is why I don’t want to ask him to focus on changing another thing right now. The listening thing bugs me still but I just know that it’s not worth trying to sort it out right now.
With that in mind, perhaps some listeners would have ideas of ways I can change my mindset to not expect my husband to have the advanced listening skills that I naturally grew up with? Trust me that I’ve examined the situation carefully (and we’ve actually spoken to our therapist about it as well) and this is the right decision for us at this time.
Congrats Elizabeth, so happy for you! Keep us posted on it’s development!
Andy, you mentioned Foreigner’s song The Final Countdown on the episode, and that song was actually done by Europe. Not sure if Foreigner would dislike you confusing them with Europe, or Europe would dislike it more that you confused them for Foreigner. They’re the same aren’t they? Either way, neither of them will ever be Autograph…
Congratulations Elizabeth! It’s so wonderful when good things happen to good, hard-working people! And I’m sure there are a lot of Laimewads/weds that can’t wait to watch your show!
Elizabeth; your thoughts on time reminded me of the Marisa Tomei movie, Happy Accidents. Where if you just bend time it touches itself…a sexy part of the movie!