Tough Man Crying w/LeeLee Pitts!
10.28.15 | Share: Share on Twitter Share on Facebook
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Totally Mommy Podcast
Episode 95
Elizabeth good friend and multi-hyphenate, LeeLee Pitts is back to cohost, discussing the start of school, why time outs should be time-ins, and of course our good/bad/funnies! (Full sentences! School success! Judging other parents! Reaching a breaking point! Ruby wil fix it! Telling jokes!) Then we give our unqualified advice to listener questions about dealing with family fueled jealousy over a sister’s pregnancy, how to handle a challenging child while struggling to face your own mortality, and what’s the perfect response to those annoying, “when are you having kids” questions? Enjoy!
15 Comments!
Hey all,
I wrote my letter about my sister’s pregnancy back in August the weekend it happened when I was still processing. I did speak to my mother about 3 days after sending the email, but we have never discussed that day. The info that was missing was not that my family has been putting pressure on me to have a family, but rather that I have been ready for the past 5 years and life things keep preventing that from happening.
I try to be supportive from 2 hours away but still feel relatively detached. Things are not great for me right now in life and work. It probably is time to follow the Totally Empire party line and go to therapy. This comment is getting darker as I write which was not my intention. Ugh.
Hi writer-inner - thank you for the update, being isolated/detached can be so tough, especially when things aren’t going great - I HIGHLY recommend therapy, at the worst it can’t hurt but for almost everyone I know it has helped immensely! I think without it during some trying times I would’ve just spiraled. I hope we get an update from you down the road that things are smoothing out and you are feeling better 🙂 xoxo
First and foremost, massive crappy Internet hugs.
In my humble opinion, it was inappropriate for your mom to tell you they’d been discussing behind your back how you might react to this news. As someone who dealt with many years of infertility before we were finally blessed with a beautiful, healthy daughter, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind family and friends had similar worries about telling me about their news. The difference is that no one told me this or suggested I might not be able to handle the news they’d that been so incredibly blessed. I say this only to offer my experience in case it helps you approach this moving forward.
Here’s hoping you and your husband have that wonderful moment of knowing you’re expecting when the time is right and that it all goes well!
Thank you Dana. Your comment truly did make me feel a lot better.
Whoops, I mean Diana!
I just wanted to say that I feel absolutely inadequate as a mother when I listen to Leelee. With my 14 month old completely preferring my husband, being 8 mos pregnant, working 40 hrs/week - I am feeling like such a terrible mother. I don’t have the energy to play with my son the way you should or to be connected with him. When Leelee said if a child is full spiritually, emotionally, physically he/she will be content just broke my heart - what am I doing wrong? *sigh* any suggestions for books to read?
I am reading “No Bad Kids” by Janet Lansbury and “Permission to Parent” by Robin Berman and I really am enjoying both! Both are pretty cheap on Amazon (about $10 each). They are making me strive to be a better mama.
Awesome - I just put No Bad Kids in our stuff we love list for Totally Mommy! http://www.totallylaime.com/recommends/mommy/
Hey there! I guarantee that LeeLee would never in a million want to make you feel like you are inadequate, and trust me, I can relate totally to where you’re at with your life stuff going on. You are doing great, and the fact that you are listening to a mom podcast tells me that you are a wonderful mother! We all have different circumstances, challenges, and children, so please remember that when listening - we all suffer from Mom guilt and all do things differently, but we know what’s best for our children. I know what LeeLee meant in that comment - it’s more of a generality though, I definitely feel that Baby Oprah is getting her needs met in all those departments (as best I can) and she certainly isn’t always content. Haha, far from it some days 🙂 Hope that helps.
Janet Lansbury’s FB page and blog are awesome, too. And Happiest Toddler on the Block has been a great tool for me.
Today’s episode made me simultaneously want to be a better mother and also very defensive of myself as a mother.
Southern mama here (I am 28 and have a 1 year old baby boy)! I was born and raised in ATL, which obviously is southern technically, but is different due to the urban environment. I married a much more southern man from a rural, small town, farming community and we now live in his hometown and will be (as far as we know) staying here indefinitely. There is FOR SURE a lot of pressure put on girls especially in terms of behavior and the whole “you are being ugly” thing. Meaning “you are acting disruptive/disobedient/sassy/etc”. I am not a fan of this nor will I be saying these things to any of my children (boy or girl) but it falls hard on the girls here. I feel like the South (especially the small town, rural South not the “urban” South) reinforces steriotypical gender roles and cultural gender norms very early and very hard. I am not saying any of this is good, but it is true. There are way too many examples to get into, but I have an advanced degree, a professional career in a high paying industry and I actually make more than my husband at this point and was STILL met with MANY MANY comments while I was pregnant from family/friends/strangers along the lines of “Oh so you aren’t going to be working anymore when the baby is here?” next to “So you are going to be working, but not full time right?” eventually leading to “Why are you going back to work?” My husband also has an advanced degree and a high paying professional job, so I believe it was assumed I would quit or cut down to part time immediately…On behalf of *some* Southern women, we are not offended. We are fully aware of the situation and are not pleased with it.
Thank you Sarah! I appreciate it, I was feeling very guilty saying that generality but I’ve definitely found it to be true amongst my southern relatives.. Anyway, thank you!
Its interesting. This isn’t a reflection on the “chair” photo with the saying…given I didn’t see it, and I trust Lee Lee and Elizabeth’s judgement. But, I was just talking with my husband the other day about my use of the word “ugly” in terms of teaching our son to have a beautiful heart and soul, have empathy, etc. I get the term from my very southern mother who is just about the least shallow person who ever existed. Haha. In our world (family growing up), if you are being ugly, it absolutely never means your looks. But instead, an observation on not being a kind hearted or best version of yourself you can be. An ugly attitude or outlook and judgement of someone. Similarly, I often tell my son he’s beautiful and never mean his looks. Always mean his soul. I think we must have had quite an emphasis on our inward “appearance” growing up. Because it never occurred to me that there might be a duality in that southern phrase…also meaning ACTUALLY ugly looks. Irregardless, I will continue to use the phrase given its so engrained in me at this point…and quite honestly love it if used in the same context my mother always did. : ) Just a different perspective.
I am a southern mom and I think that the word “UGLY” in describing a behavior is totally what it is. If you child is acting in an unfavorable way or being just down right mean to another person. I don’t think that its wrong to say that was not nice or ugly the way you just acted. It’s not desirable which in essence means ugly. I think it’s totally something different to call a child’s appearance ugly and I feel like the people in the south who use the word and grow up around the word clearly know the difference in what the meaning is. There are many words that have different meanings. It’s our responsibility as parents to let our children know when they are saying something that is not nice. It’s also I responsibility to uplift our children and let them know how special they are. How beautiful and wonderful they are as humans and our children. I feel that children that grown into adults have confidence because their parents have instilled this into them with encouragement and love. Usually the ones who are lacking in confidence is because they are missing this reassurance from their parents and loved ones.